|Reviews for Cloud Castles, Cogs, and Reluctant Villains|
| Equilibrium chapter 7 . 11/3/2007
Yay! Another update! I'm enjoying this more and more! Particularly the whole "...Bristol gained a look equivalent to a broken mirror, revolved on the spot, and fainted" bit. Hahahaha...
Can't wait for the next chapter!
| Prince Tin Lizzy chapter 4 . 10/27/2007
Very fast-paced, and your usage of parentheses seema a little detrimental to your tone. It was uncomfortable for me to encounter them in quick succession and all in the middle of sentences that gave me important information.
I am really liking the cities and cultures you've created and how they exist in something that is far from a strict feudal-type fantasy world. But just exactly how this Malvern fellow became involved remains to be known. My question is: did Bristol take her to the tavern on purpose so she could meet Malvern? Or was their meeting pure chance?
Can't wait to read about the cloud castles.
| Prince Tin Lizzy chapter 3 . 10/27/2007
I'm interested to know what it is about these Shiradin people that makes them so special (other than being airship builders). You're working very effectively with characterization but you seem to get a little too ahead of yourself with the details of your world. The parentheses full of information at the end of the chapter were a little hard to swallow.
So, on to the next chapter to find out whom, precisely, will be introduced.
| Equilibrium chapter 6 . 10/21/2007
Sorry i couldn't review sooner; i haven't been online for two days straight... But anyway, good job with chapters 5 and 6, as usual. In particular, i like how Sabrena handled the map situation, and Kanist is really a... unique... character. Eagerly awaiting more! .
| Equilibrium chapter 4 . 10/7/2007
Hahaha... Poor Sabrena - she gets herself into such strange situations. And Malvern is kinda cool. Keep it up!
| Equilibrium chapter 3 . 10/7/2007
Very nice! You've managed to keep from losing steam and the story is as strong as ever. Great job!
| Prince Tin Lizzy chapter 2 . 10/3/2007
Your first chapter has moved very quickly! The poor main character gets arrested, right off the bat. This story has many subtleties that I know you will explain, but they seem at times to be too subtle for an opening chapter. I'm afraid you lost me as to the significance of that coin. Why does the Constable drop it in the water to begin with? And why do we then find out that it is a symbol of a guild of thieves? I know that you might be saving this exposition for later, but within the context of this chapter, it's fairly confusing.
Also, there is a segment near the beginning in which you describe a shady character with strange ears in italics and then repeat the same sentences in normal font. Why?
I really do, however, enjoy the world you've created and all of its intricacies. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
| Equilibrium chapter 2 . 10/2/2007
It just gets better and better...
Write faster, faster, FASTER! (I know I'm being cruel... but anyway)I really wanna read more!
| LandUnderWave chapter 2 . 10/2/2007
If you're in Thieves Guild and steal something, don't you have to say something along the lines of
"This is an official robbery; you can pay the guild to ensure it will not happen again for a year," *scribbles down in notebook* "Theft of fifty-five dollars, eighty cents, and a small dust bunny..." *looks up* "For the record-keepers. Got to have every last theft written down right."? Or maybe I've just been reading Discworld too much.
Her wardrobe constitutes an offence? Didn't know the police did fashion, too... *laughs* *grins again* See, I /knew/ this was going to be interesting!
| LandUnderWave chapter 1 . 10/1/2007
*big, huge grin spreading slowly across face* This is going to be FUN.
| Prince Tin Lizzy chapter 1 . 9/30/2007
I look back on my writing and know I have made so many of the mistakes you have outlined in this intro. Of course, now that those first (and still loved, despite their disgusting mediocrity) stories have scarred my writing career, there's not much I can do about it.
In short: your introduction has me hooked.
Furthermore: I must meet this airship captain.
| Equilibrium chapter 1 . 9/29/2007
Gawsh, that sounds great! "an incompetent, self-proclaimed 'magician' who may or may not come to realize his stange attaction to the airship builder's left boot"! AHAHAHahahahahahaha... I can't wait to hear the rest of it!
| 0822 chapter 1 . 9/29/2007
I had a small smile on my face after reading this. It reeks of parody and sarcasm, which can be good in small doses, coupled with an original plot. I can't really 'review' the story, as this isn't the story itself, but I can hope that you don't get carried away with your own brilliance and originality at not 'following the norm.'
Your first goal is to tell a story. Next remember your characters. Then you can disperse your mocking lines. A few well done sarcastic lines or wit is much better than a story saturated with mediocre cliches and character insults. We should like and enjoy at least someone.
So, I can't really review. I can only warn you about the direction your story might take and what I have seen others in a similar position do.
Stay conscious and be wary. You will make us laugh our asses off, or this will plummet like a badly-tuned airship. Most often it's the latter.