Reviews for Textbooks and Graffiti |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Please on pls tell me your not done posting! This is my new favorite story or whatever! Also, I have very few suggestions because everything's pretty perfect. Occasionally theres an error where theres like a senctance, and it ends like this! . ANd the next starts like this, but I only saw that 2 times so yeah |
![]() ![]() ![]() LOVE THIS STORY SOOOO MUCH! Pls publish a real novel because I will buy it. Also- LOVE THE FORESHADOWING! "Trust me Evelyn. The day I fall in love with Isaac Evens is the day my dad asks out Ms. Charleston. Meaning its never gonna happen." LOVE IT |
![]() ![]() ![]() UPDATE! it's awesome! XD XD |
![]() ![]() This story is...well, boring. Nothing is really that bad in particular, but it hasn't anything that makes me want to read more. You have some minor spelling mistakes, but I didn't catch a lot of grammer mistakes though. Your writing is decent, but nothing unique either. I think you should have more of a plot. I mean I think she has cancer or something like that. If it goes in that direction, you could make it to a pretty good plot. Right now, you should focusing on more happening. There is one thing I didn't like though. The insta love. He had no valid or good reason to take interest in the girl his sister hated. However, I'm willing to ignore that, since I enjoy reading about them. |
![]() ![]() ![]() OMFG. DUDE. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE. THIS IS LIKE THE BEST STORY EVER. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CONTINUE! |
![]() ![]() its not fair the last time you updated was in 2007 and i just finished reading. its amazing. you stopped at a good part too! u said your goal was 65 and you have over 90! anyway please update soonn? |
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![]() ![]() Dude that was pretty sick. normally im very picky about what i read but i really cant wait for the next chapter! |
![]() ![]() ![]() wow totally love this story, can't wait for the next chapter |
![]() ![]() ![]() hey this is an awesome story continue writing it i really think u should because it is very interesting but i thought the character of Seji wasnt very fitting mayb becoz he's only been in it for 1 chapter but he didnt really go with the flow but continue writing the story its really nice and your writing skills are awesome! |
![]() ![]() Come on Update already! I read Chapters 1-7 all today. I love it! UPDATE! I'll be waiting impatiently! (and yes I know that is a lot of exclaimation points. now u can see how eager I am for the next chapter. :D) Sincerely, |
![]() ![]() ![]() You've got an amazing story. Update soon. |
![]() ![]() I felt kind of weird, leaving reviews saying "Do Better!" without actually telling you what you're doing wrong. Or...not adequately, as it may be in your case. First off, I want to make it very clear that I'm not bashing. If it seems that I'm being brutally frank to the point of rudeness, it's just because I think you have potential as an author and you aren't pushing yourself hard enough. Alright. The beginning is very weak. There's nothing that says "Hey! Keep Reading! This story will be worth your while!" You bring up mascots, ramble for a bit, and then, after that, there's really no point to what you just said. In writing a truly excellent story, all the elements have to fit together, have purpose. Otherwise you begin to "drown in detail". Have you read the book Speak? The mascot talk in that book contributes to the otherall plot, although it in itself may not mean all that much. If you haven't read it, I suggest doing so, because it can be a good sounding board on a lot of story elements. The second thing that happens in your story is the fight – but it doesn’t feel real. I’d check out some movies, to get the feel for what a school fight is. Generally, no one “topples to the ground” – one person usually stands down, or only a single shove or punch is thrown. Besides the fact that I think the two characters involved would be smarter than, on the first day, to get into a fist fight. How long has the conflict for Mya been going on? Why are they settling it now? Here? These are questions you have to think about. Why couldn’t they have waited until after school, where there wouldn’t have been the opportunity to get in trouble? Is the only reason because you needed it for your plot? If so, then that’s weak writing. In life, things have reasons – stories should be no different. Thirdly, hats aren’t allowed in most schools. It’s generally the first thing teachers will remark about. If Serenity is going to wear a hat, you should make sure to make it clear that either her school is special (avoid this type of writing, it gets muddled easily. Making the character’s situation to “different” is like making a Mary Sue too “perfect” in fanfiction.) or find an alternative reason why she can wear a hat. Serenity’s character…seems too stressed. Not like stressed out, I mean too OUT THERE. Like...it’s like you’re trying to give her “voice” but it’s coming across as trying to broadcast what type of character she is, rather than letting the reader get to know her. It’s really easy to do that when you’re doing first person narratives. I can’t really find anything encouraging to say about the meeting between the two of them – it needs to be rewritten. You use rat-infested to often, describe Isaac in too much detail, and their dialogue is completely unbelievable. The exchange with Ms. Charleston is also…I’m trying to find a euphemism for “bad”. She is a person, people don’t talk like that. Have you even had a teacher come up to you and say the exact words “and who are you and what do you thing you’re doing outside of class at this hour?” Say them out loud to yourself – is that how people talk? More often than not, teachers don’t care who you are, you aren’t their responsibility, and a simple “Shouldn’t you be in class?” or “Do you have a pass?” would suffice. Also – the IsaacxSerenity instant “I want to see you again…” thing isn’t working for it…they jump into a relationship. The denial that Serenity feels in liking him doesn’t feel real, and the relationship between her and Evelyn is just too quick. You need to slow down and focus on why things are happening. I think I’ve torn your story to shreds enough for today. I sincerely hope that at least some of this is helpful. You seem tough enough to handle a little criticism. Write On. |
![]() ![]() ![]() You're already past 65 and you haven't updated! I really hope you update soon because this is an amazing story. Despite what an anonymous reviewer said, I think this story is extremely well-developed. It might be cliche but I adore cliches and nothing can ever be completely cliche because everything has its own originality in it. Much like yours; your impeccable writing makes the story and the movements and voices of the characters are excellent, often making my heart pound when Isaac and Ren are together. Sigh. Anyways please reply, email, or PM me because I'm dying to know what's going on and when you plan on updating...or sadly, if you don't... |
![]() ![]() ![]() great story. please update soon ? :) |