Reviews for How to Ruin the Moment
Elennar chapter 1 . 11/18/2011
Hi there! Here from the Trick or Treat Guessing Game!

Hmm, so I certainly did pick a difficult one to review in depth, huh? XD

I'm gonna have to try my best then, huh?

Opening:

Right, so, um: I like the point where the story begins. I think it's an intriguing place to start the scene with; it's the abrupt-straight-into-the-action kind that I like. However, having said that, I honestly do believe that I'd prefer if it started with "She said her name was Claire". I know that that wasn't the first sentence that you were given, but I guess if I were to take it as a seperate piece without that constraint...

Plot:

Now, so far as the plot goes, I really like it a lot! I somehow figured that the girl would end up being something sinister: but I'd thought it would something on the lines of a serial killer or the like. So, of course, reading about a vampire instead was a great surprise.

Writing:

Hmm, now, I'm feeling guilty about mentioning something you've already addressed in the beginning A/N's; but I suppose I've just got to say it. It might be something as simple as a personal bias, in fact it most probably is: but the simple sentences just didn't work for me. I mean, the flow of the words as I read them kept tripping me up, and I suppose that did detract me quite a bit.

Other:

Right, so I didn't know where to put this, so I'm putting it here. I really like how you've added a subtle double meaning to the things that Claire says. I mean, before I got to the end, the things Claire told/asked the narrator could be construed as just small talk. However, once you read them again with knowledge of the ending, it becomes so much more sinister, you know? She isn't making small talk, she's hedging and trying to find out if this guy will be missed by family or friends. Cool!
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
Well, I certainly didn't expect this to be a vampire story... Oh well.

It is pretty simple, but it's interesting, if you're into the whole vampire subculture thing (nota bene: I am not into vampire subculture-I'm only educated in it enough to understand the history behind the references you're making).

From my perspective, there are a lot of layers here, which I think is a very good thing. You read it the first time from the perspective of the man, who is very much a simpleton. The girl... not so much. That is obvious. You wonder what influenced her way of thinking.

When you find out at the end, the only logical course of action is to read the story again. I did exactly that, and this time I read it from the woman's-no, the "girl's"-perspective. That was a chilling read, to be honest. I don't know if you did it on purpose or not, but if you did, hats off to you. This piece has scholastic merit. If not, then I will go by one of my late grandfather's favorite quotes-"I'd rather be lucky than good."

Keep up the good work, and thanks for the review.

-thewhimsicalbard
Lucille Haunted chapter 1 . 6/6/2010
Well, that was certainly unexpected. Nice twist, though. I really like the way they would say something and then add 'Yes' or 'No' to it almost immediately after it. Keep up the good work. Love, Lucille
RantingWriter chapter 1 . 10/21/2007
o. creepy. short. nice. first thought was that she was a whore. but no, in the words of trudell, vampire whore, but not really. just a vampire. yeah. good job.