Reviews for Immature
Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
Nice poem.

Twilight Starr
Maximatum99 chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
I hate being called immature! Anyway, this had a lot of meaning in it and flowed like a lightsaber through re-enforced titanium alloy. It was smooth. Nice work.
x.inseparable chapter 1 . 10/14/2007
This is awesome! Damn, I hate it when people call me immature without any prior knowledge :/

You're a fantastic writer!
Luny Loona chapter 1 . 10/8/2007
Weird guy...isn't being with your family good?

Anyway, I like how it doesn't have punctuation, so it doesn't disrupt with the flow. I liked the first line.

I like your line about learning things in your own time.
Arafax chapter 1 . 10/8/2007
Hmm...I'm not getting the emotion very strongly. While what you have is good, try playing around with different words to maybe express what you felt more vividly. But nice job overall. Keep up the good work.

Arafax
The Maltese Falcon chapter 1 . 10/6/2007
Kay, I like your style, it is simple and unpretentious, almost prose. The only thing I can say is that your words are too neutral, they do not transmit the emotion that you must have felt when he told you those words. I think you could do with a stronger ending, one which refects the anger his words evoked in you.