I definitely like this story so far. You should update it soon.

1) Characters are good. I think Isaiah could be fleshed out a bit: all we know about him is that he cares about Brooke and that he's an architect. Of course, you only have 4 chapters, so there's time to develop him as a character. Maybe a few flashbacks that include him would help.

2) Her mom had some sort of psych issues and left?

3) I think Ben's trying to impress his new girlfriend. Of course, since we haven't really seen much of Ben except the way he's currently acting, the only clue we have that his affinity for extreme sports isn't natural is that Brooke says "he's not normally like this."

4) The narrative's pretty good the way it is.

5) So far I don't think it's much of a cliché. The vet thing makes it a bit different, as well as a main character who has issues with expressing emotions (usually romance heroines are a little too emotional).

6) Sex scene was good just the way it is-hot!

Okay, I'm hooked. I love your style and the humor is great. You managed to establish the characters and their relationships really well in this chapter. I love Isaiah. The use of the flashback served really well to provide some back story and the 'morning after' scene was handled really well. You managed to balance the emotions of both characters exceptionally well.

Hi, I just discovered fictionpress through your fanfiction page and since I love all of your fanfics, I thought I'd mosey on over and give this story a read. I love it! I loved the Rory/Logan version of the story but reading the first chapter of this one, I'm really enjoying it. Your a very talented writer. I love how you set up the story and I can't wait to find out what happens next. From reading your author note, I see that you've changed it from the rogan version so I look forward to discovering how it will unfold. I'm off to read the next chapter.

wow.

i've noticed that brooke and isiah are kind of like opposites- she has no trouble hiding her emotions while he's so open.

maybe that's why they're so perfect for each other.

is her mother ill- i'm assuming she died.

the scenes are nicely described and they're humurous as well.

usual sex scenes have, "he gazed into her eyes and the he jumped her suddenly" or "he dubbed circular motions on her stomach" yadda yadda yadda, same old shit (sos) and i liked how yours was different.

i love it already.

This story just keeps getting better. The chapter was perfect, incl the flashback. i think brooke is insecure and it may also have something to do with her past. my guess: did her mother die when she was 12? possibly suicide or mental illness. did her death make brooke emotionally unavailable to those who try to become close to her? in answer to Q5 - NO this is not a 'been there, read that' type of story. your writing style is unique and all i can wish for is more chapters everytime you update. Can't wait for the next chap!

1) yes, you are doing a good job in that department, but sometimes, like in this chapoter where you say something along the lines of 'and back to where this flashback started off' i don't think that should be there. not meaning to sound rude or anyhting, but i think we got that it was a flashback and perhaps distinguish when one scene of the flashback begins and ends..if that makes sense?

2) well i don't want it to be something too horrific and creepy because, well that won't be good, brooke seems like a pretty well adjusted person, so maybe something minor, like a divorce, car crash, death of someone she loved, moving away of someone she loved, that kinda thing. but if you wanna make it horrific and creepy, go nuts.

3) ben's in love right? some girl that he's met and he's totally head over heels with? hopefully she doesn't screw around with him and then break up wiht him, successfully breaking his heart and putting him into a state of depression, that would suck.

4) narrative is good, i can picture the scene playing out and maybe it's just a bit too fast for each chapter - if you get what i mean. i like the plot line, whatever it may be so far, but perhaps more detail into the scenes, but what you've got so far is pretty good, i like it.

5) it's not so cliche. i mean i've read the 'in love with the brother's best friend' story before, but it usually starts off in high school or just after high school as some form of bet or favor or the boy's crushing on the girl or something. this one started off as a one night stand, which is sufficiently different, refreshing i guess you could say.

6) it was pretty good, there's some stuff where it goes overboard with details and some stuff where it doens't go into detail enough, yours was pretty good

7) anything else..hmm some grammer and spelling errors, but those are normal, everyone makes those. like how sometimes you forget to put the inverted commas at the end of a speech sentence and then you go on into how the character is feeling and it, at first doesn't make sense, but then you realise what you did. yeah like that. if that made sense..

all was good, liked the chapter :)

can't wait for more

izzie

Holy crap! way to go and make it more awkward for them. I'll take question one and three, love the characters, they definatley have thier own unique personalities, I like that Brooke isn't the most intimate person, and that she knows it. I have a feeling that Ben has manic depression like his mom? Can't wait for the next chapter.

alright for the things oyu want me to answer to i have a few. Ben should think that he is in love but the chick he is in love with doesn't love him back so he drives himself crazy and totally has no clue to the curent thing beween his best friend and his sister. well that's it for know! good job:)

This story is incredible

please please please keep it up

Lol, what a time to remember that! Omg, awesome chapter!

Hey followed you over from fanfiction and am loving this story so far, your narrative is awesome first person can sometimes be awkward to read but yours is great and a lot of fun to read. Can't wait for the next chapter.

*dies*

UPDATE SOON!

Loved it on will love it here)

You are doing a wonderful job with this story. Please continue it.

I love this original version! Will we get another update soon? I hope so!