|Reviews for Heirsephonielle|
| Loveless2010A chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
*almost in tears* aw, that was so romantic and beautiful, and you're not allowed to change it. :P
| Serolina chapter 1 . 1/20/2008
This story was SO incredible beautiful! *sniffles* it is sp beautiful it made me cry!
| Blue Screen of Death chapter 1 . 12/7/2007
I do like it, very much. The opening was inspiring, and definitly one that had me hooked.
As for critiques, the place where I noticed things began to be hazy, was this line: I knew I shouldn’t have been there, but at least there was no one who would miss a homeless orphan.
Prison wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected
The sheer disconnect without any other reason or middle ground threw me for a bit, as I had to stop reading and hurry to fill in the details of walking through a garden, castle, past people, towards a dungeon most likely in the cellar.
The most beautiful part was the repatition of the roses, and their obvious importance, I'll be the first to admit it threw me for a bit, because I'm not so much a fan of the 'bishie' type.
However, despite everything, the emotion carried through strongly. At the beginning I was confused, anxious - and the perfection and sadness that was their relationship was subtly worked without actually saying so. And most particularly at the end, when the main character awakens, I was devestated to find that he hadn't actually met Heirsephonielle.
A curious thing that I noted and liked in particular, was that you can't really tell if the main character is living in modern times, or in the past times. Though certainly you know Heirsephonielle lives during ancient times. Your description is fantastic, and I wouldn't change a thing about it, anywhere. Just, as mentioned before, in a rewrite, perhaps detail in more of the surroundings, to help the reader along. Tell them what to notice to furthur your mood; lighting, architecture, peoples, sounds. What you have now feels very hurried at the end, something that can be settled somewhat with adding discriptors.
Of course, all of this is mere suggestion, ultimately the idea of this story is sublime.
| Sendako chapter 1 . 11/15/2007
Whoa, striking details in this story! Everything flowed so well! I don't know why many people didn't read this story; maybe its because its longer than the ordinary one-shot. :D But, they should have taken the time to read this story! Great job! Ima go check out some of your other stories!
| Ice Neko chapter 1 . 10/16/2007
Alright so I finally got around to read this XD Love the graveyard imagery, I felt like I was standing there watching the scene unfold. Your very good at describing the setting around your characters. Also I love the Name Heirsephonielle, very original what language did you pull it from?
Omg that ending made me cry~ I love the stories about reincarnation, even better in Yaoi form lol Very original writing, I love it. I enjoyed how you delivered the background information through dreams. I heavily believe dreams are the gate way to the past and future. Good work!
| Melissa Norvell chapter 1 . 10/15/2007
An interesting one shot indeed. It's nice to find a piece that's well written and not cliche'd out like many of the shounen-ai stories here are. As a fellow slash writer I thank you for that.
Thank you for the enjoyable one shot and perhaps if you have the time, I'd love it if you'd stop by and read some of my works.
| MrMonochromatic chapter 1 . 10/13/2007
AMAZING! I purely love this so much T-T
I nearly cried towards the end when Heirsephonielle told him he had to wait. This definitely shows that it was planned out and I have to say, you planned it amazingly well!
The names you chose for them are so beautiful, I became curious as to how you came up with them.
I'll also admit that at first, when he fell into his dream-state the first time, I was somewhat confused as to where the story was going but as I read on I basically fell in LOVE with the characters and the story itself