|Reviews for Cost of Living|
| TaltushMeiMei chapter 1 . 10/10/2007
Wow. If only the first two lines fit the later ones with their flow and ease, then this poem would be almost perfect... Starting off with the things here that AREN'T as good:
First of all, it would include those first two lines. They have an awkward sound to them. Actually, reading this poem aloud is very difficult because the rhythm is quite off, though you manage to get away with it later through fluency. Still, however, those extra-long lines just sound really awkward both in my head and when read out loud (try it... it turns out it's quite hard). A few adjustments in placement (when you cut up lines and things like that) would probably fix this and make it both more reader friendly and simply a clearer, smoother poem.
Now, onto the compliments... Great job. Really. It's an intriguing, powerful poem about something that's true but still not heard of much. In terms of writing a poem about it, it makes for a very original piece. It honestly made me think quite a lot, and that's important in a poem. I like that it has all the typical poem aspects, like interesting words, descriptions, and feelings, but also seems to tell a story that is much more important. Anyways, I think that if you adjusted the first two lines a bit, this would be a near-perfect poem. Until then, it's still really great.