Reviews for I Am Thunderbunny
JaffaFoose chapter 1 . 4/3/2011
This one I have mixed feelings about.

For the first half of it, I was wildly impressed. I mean, I was already typing out the review in my head, and it included phrases like 'completely brilliant' and 'ridiculously awesome.' I can’t overstate how much I was enjoying it. You had impressive details and description, most notably of the house and the toy itself. You had very believable characterization – I could absolutely imagine this character. Jack was very real. He was mumbling to himself and feeling depressed with the world and… just, he was exactly how I would expect a person to be while sorting through old stuff because their Mom had died. I especially loved the description of the house having changed since the death – before, comforting, now eerie and unwelcoming. That’s just so REAL, y’know? That’s something people really go through.

And I thought it was brilliant the way he became attached to the toy as a sort of last memory of his childhood, a connection. The doodling of a new comic at work. And even the comic itself was awesome.

The dream was also very well done.

But after that, I’m afraid things started to go downhill for me. First of all, the whole toy-coming-to-life thing felt a bit cliché in and of itself, but that wasn’t really the issue. In fact, I had a theory that maybe none of this was happening, that maybe Jack was just delusional and clinging to the delusion to avoid facing his mother’s death. I was eager to see which way it would go.

But it all just became too… unreal. I know that sounds weird, because how can a drawing-controlled-stuffed-rabbit be anything BUT unreal, but… I dunno. Jack’s reactions seemed less genuine. He seemed a little too willing to accept the strange things that were going on. For the first half of the story I was able to suspend disbelief and say, ‘if this DID happen, it could very well go this way.’ But at the point where he started readily talking to the bunny and everything… it was just a someone jarring reminder that this was completely fictional.

I wish I could explain this better, but basically, I just think it could have been done a lot better from the point where Thunderbunny came alive.

Still, overall, I thought it was a great story, and thoroughly enjoyed reading it. And even as it went downhill (in my opinion), there were certainly gems in the writing. “There was nothing left to do then but drink.” That, for instance, was just an excellent line, perfectly placed.

So, love the story, just… would have done the second half of it differently, myself.

Nevertheless, favorited. I like your writing!
Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
Hey. I saw one of your stories linked off of Stop the Press, so I thought I'd check it out. Here's a review, organized as best I can make it.

1) Jack's house is an excellent setting for a horror story. Cluttered, but in a menacing sort of way. Plenty of boxes for things to leap out of.

2) I like the idea of a childhood plaything being re-imagined in a dark way.

3) The intro feels a little bit heavy-handed. But that's made okay by a)the way it flows, which is good, and b) the fact that Jack has every right to throw a pissed off monologue at the world, considering his mother just died.

4)"His mother had a well-established style to her obsessive hoarding" I like that she has quirks. She's not the perfect-but-now-she's-gone sort of family member.

5) I really like Thunderbunny's introduction.

6)"Jack finished the cartoon with Thunderbunny setting the building on fire and roasting marshmallows over the glowing embers of his boss’s desk." I think I see where this is going, but I like the concept behind it. There's a lot of time, mental energy, etc. invested in imaginary friends as a kid. If they could actually use that energy, then a tribute like Jack's drawing could easily wake them back up.

7) I feel like Jack's realization that Thunderbunny set the fire comes a little too quick. I mean, yeah, that's about the same conclusion I'd jump to, but it feels a little more natural when characters think "What? No. That sort of thing doesn't happen in real life. It's not like I'm in some story, or something."

8) I like how Thunderbunny has no understanding of morality. Just cause an effect. I kinda find myself wishing he'd talk in all caps.

9) the ending doesn't quite match up with the tone of the story. But I'm being really, really picky here. It doesn't feel like Jack's guilt about mis-using Thunderbunny is resolved at all. If you wanted to go for a darker sort of ending, you could play off of that. Thunderbunny might still be sent after criminals, but he might re-interpret Jack's orders in a malicious way. Or, alternately, Jack could try and fix the world in a way more appropriate to his character. Maybe you could recycle one of the newspaper clips from the beginning for this.

10) All in all, I like the concepts behind this story a lot. And I just looked back through the rest of my review and realized how nit-picky I was, so please don't take any of my critique too seriously. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for writing it.

-SC
Erisah Mae chapter 1 . 10/28/2007
I love this! The idea is completely crazy, but the way you portray the development of the Thunderbunny/Jack relationship is nothing short of inspired.

Funny, poignant, and philosophical.

Nice.

Erisah
RantingWriter chapter 1 . 10/21/2007
Well. I noticed in the began an "and" should have been "an". can't remember where though.

I liked "There was nothing left to do then but drink." totally fantastic. but you should have added something about being responsible. if you catch my drift. um, and look you're texting me. um, anyways, nice idea. definitely excited about the rest.
someone's sideshow chapter 1 . 10/19/2007
I want to say that the whole living-evil toy idea is a bit cliche...but I am still liking this story. I like how Jack decided to try to do some good with Thunderbunny at the end, like he has to prove to himself that he's not evil. Could have some interesting twists.

I will add this to my favorites. I think you have a good style going on and would like to see where you take this.

_SomeonesSideshow

P.S. Check out National Novel Writing Month!
jo chan chapter 1 . 10/18/2007
i love it. you are amazing. the only comment i have is check all of you thunderbunnies some of them are missing n's and come out at thuderbunny. lol.