|Reviews for My Neverending Dream|
| Unxious Custard chapter 1 . 6/18/2013
Hi, I like your idea, and your characters are interesting. I can instantly make a connection with Selene. However, there is a bit too much tell and not show. For example, you keep using the work young or little to describe the boy at the beginning. Explain through your description what makes him little, like he bit his thumb hard, or his small face crumpled in fear. Also some tell rather than show with explaining what Selena does. Let the reader find out gradually what's happening and who she is - no need to explain it all in the first breath. Otherwise great idea, great writing, good punctuation. I look forward to reading more, and hope you will also review my story under fiction called Psychics v Terrorists.
| RedPenScrip chapter 1 . 12/29/2012
I am RedPenScrip, and I am new to reviewing so forgive me for not being able to give stable criticism.
This story has an idea I have never encountered before, and it seems you have developed it well in just the first chapter without boring me with long explanation. That was very good, and your hook was excellent. I did not find much wrong with your writing, but I would suggest carefully reading over chapters before you post them as some grammar and spelling was off. (I get strict about that).
| Griffinpixie chapter 1 . 5/20/2012
You have a good idea here. It's relatively unusual and not currently the rage.
Here are some of my thoughts:
1) The dream world is theoretically active all the time. While we're awake here in the West they're asleep over there in the East. Beacon's therefor should be working in shifts according to what hemisphere they live in. Agree or disagree?
2) You say the dream world is always changing. This is a popular theory because people create the dreams they are in. I like it, but does it make things harder on the Beacons? Are there levels or layers to the dream world they must travel through? How do you maintain a constant point like the castle in an ever changing world?
3)The Demon's have powers in order to steal souls...do the Beacon's? I would think they would need them since unlike the Demon's they can be killed in real life. If they do, what are they? Is each one different or do they all have the same set of strengths and powers?
4)Like other reader's said, the section with the two red-headed girls is very confusing. She's off to school, runs into them, and is suddenly back home for the night. You need more to their taunting too, I did not feel like they were mean at all.
5) Why is Selene a Beacon? Does it run in families? How are they chosen? When are they chosen? She's a teenager, is there a specific age that Beacon's get initiated at? Why so young?
6)If Selene is working in the dream world at night...how does she ever rest and rejuvenate her body? Is she really sleeping since she checks in at eight and out at six?
| ChibiMiMi-chan chapter 2 . 1/9/2012
Wow, this is amazing. It's very descriptive and well written. I understand college takes a lot of time out of your life but when you have time to update I'd really like to see where this goes.
| MagicWriter446 chapter 1 . 3/3/2010
i love it
but what does she look like?
i think it has great potential
| Citizen of Fantasy at Heart chapter 1 . 8/11/2008
So far I really like it; it's very original, and I like how you start with a dream. Good grammar and spelling is also a plus :D.
The one thing I would suggest is to not explain what Selene is right way; it gives out too much and makes the story loses its mystery. I would advise you either take that bit out or change it, and let the readers figure out what is happening for themeselves. Don't worry, we're not that stupid. :3
Otherwise, a very fine job. Keep writing.
| grasping.for.sanity chapter 1 . 10/24/2007
awesome story! Your writing is amazing, things are detailed but not boring, although there is one part where the main character interacts with other secondary character that seems slightly awkward...it just doesn't flow as smoothly as the rest of your story, otherwise I thought your story was perfect!
I'm really secretly hoping those dream demons find a way to come into the real world! or that she has to save the life of someone that saw her face
| Un-Hidden Lotus chapter 1 . 10/20/2007
I loved it! :D way better than anything i could try to ever do. like truly something said(sorry, cant remember your name :O), what happened in the part with the two redheaded girls? Anyway, all your description was awesome, and i like the storyline :]
| This account is empty chapter 1 . 10/20/2007
O_o Wow. WOW. I love your writing! It was very suspenseful and I enjoyed reading it immensely. I love how you protrayed Selene, and the concept of the Beacons and the Demons was interesting. I was confused a little bit in the middle where you describe why she likes school, but then you seemed to immediately skip from her going to school to those two redheads chasing her. What happened there at school?
But forget my rambling... Excellent job! This is by far one of the most catching stories I've seen! Please, update when you have the time.