It's good and all, but... *note - not a flame, just advice*

This is just constructive critisism given to make the story more enjoyable and easier to read.

I like the concept of the story but the wording and paragraphs are little to be desired. The sentences are too short and abrupt and the conversations are confusing because you didn't paragraph them. The pacing of what was going on doesn't really flow so it's hard to read.

I don't think I'm going to continue reading since it seems a little lacking in *something*. I like the idea/plot though.

Ok, I am going to be honest, and I don't mean any of this in a bad way. I only managed to read the first chapter. It was interesting, but the format threw me off. The sentences were very short and abrupt, and the paragraphs were rather dense. I know someone else mentioned this, but it's best to separate the paragraphs when you have multiple people speaking. It makes it easier to follow, and it also makes the writing flow better. Also, you should avoid starting sentences with 'he had', 'he was' and other variations. Like my english teacher in junior year was fond of saying, show, don't tell.

This was an interesting chapter, but it could be made so much better by simple changes. I'm not putting you down, or saying this is bad, but I do think it could be made better.

awesome story killer ending!1

this is an awesome story!

I just finished reading all of it. It was a very good story. I was sad when Nick died. And you described his death very well.

Cheers.

Wow this is a powerful chapter. I feel bad for Nick!

Well Naomi can't have twins from two different men at the same time. It just doesn't work that way. Unless its some kinda vampire power.

woot. I like how this story is climaxing.

WTF? That last part was.. different. I like how Nick tied Nina up with duct tape just to shut her up. lol. Nick seems to have a way to attract all the women. Does he have that vampire power where they can seduce anyone?

I read the original Dracula too. I though it was cool how all the chapters were journal entries, letters, or telegrams. I tried to do that with one of my stories but it didn't work. oh well.

Good god. Now I know why this is rated M.

Hm... I don't think i like Naomi so much anymore. But we'll see what happens.

Nick has changed so much during this story. And your write style is improving too. Salestela reminds me of Akasha in Anne Rice's Queen of the Damned. I dunno if you've read it, but its very good.

Wow! he only turns into a vampire if he seeks revenge? Thats freaking awesome. I feel like I'm submitting too many reviews but what the hell. I'm enjoying this.

Damn it. I typed a good long review for this chapter and then my internet died(again!) so i lost it.

Anyway. I thought your descriptions were very good. I liked how you discribed the lady in the shop where Nick bought the books. It was funny, detailed, and different. I also liked how you described the party. It made me laugh.

O vampires! The Legend is very cool. I like the plot twist in this chapter.