|Reviews for Blackout|
| Jaya Avendel chapter 1 . 11/9/2017
I loved the description you attributed to the dog beats and Matka's confusion. I like his name; it seems to reflect his interesting origin. It sounds to me like he is sort of a tiefling or one of those half-devil/demon types. The way you described his scales was beautiful.
I am kind of disappointed you left off right as Matka beheld his nightmare; I would have liked to see what it was!
| Inala chapter 1 . 11/2/2017
Another great short.
| BradytheJust chapter 1 . 5/4/2017
It's been a while since I was able to review your work Barbados, but this story showed me what I am missing.
Your description was spot on and I could see Matka in my mind's eye! Those scales and that tail were my favorite part about him... kind of a man/dragon hybrid, and definitely something I would not want to face without a sword in hand!
You did a very good job describing Matka, the dog beasts (Also monsters I don't want to fight without a sword), and Matka's pain on knowing something was wrong with him.
I also loved the quote "Though it was not the silence that came with being deaf, but more the type experienced when everyone is holding their breath"
I hope you continue this story and I'm glad to get back into your writing! Great job! :)
| hookline-dreamer chapter 1 . 8/29/2016
That’s one brutal cliffhanger! Just saying. It’d be really nice if this was more of a complete story... Matka just gets introduced, and seems like an interesting character, and then we still don’t know anything about him, or what happened... Argh.
It was nicely suspenseful, though, and a good description of the dog-beasts.
The part where he saw a “massive clawed hand descend on his chest” - I wasn’t sure how to interpret ‘descend’. It doesn’t indicate with what sort of speed or force it impacted Matka’s chest… did the creature rake at him, hit him, try to grab him, or just gently touch him? Obviously, it did something weird to him, but that sort of made it more confusing...
"an liesurely": "a leisurely" - I normally don’t point out specific typos, but those were in the second line and pretty distracting. :)
You have a rather sci-fi-ish way of using words… eg: “his senses began to feed him information” is sort of how you’d expect a robot/AI to observe things… it gives the character an analytical/distant feel. But maybe his personality is like that, I don’t know. Just an observation.
| zanybellecloudo chapter 1 . 8/2/2016
Your writing is very skilful. It feels like you spent great time and effort on each and every word, or so you make it appear at least. I love the detailed descriptions of the beasts before him, the deadliness of the situation and swarming confusion creates a wave of emotions in this one chapter alone. Matka is one of those strange characters you know is powerful and important, yet because he doesn’t know himself you can never be sure whether he is good or evil. It was certainly an interesting first chapter. The ending leaves the reader pondering what exactly happened to Matka, and what makes him blackout. Stench of death aside, of course. My favourite line was: “dog-faced beasts which had emerged from the haze as if they were born of it.”
Thanks for sharing your work, ZB.
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 7/12/2016
Was Matka one of the Dryn Mar that 'fell' in Cerebromancers? It doesn't seem likely based on the circumstances being described here, so if he is then there must be a long story in between this scene and Cerebromancers.
Style-wise, this isn't quite solidified yet, in that there isn't such a strong and consistent narrating voice, but it ticks many other boxes. This piece is like one big teaser trailer, basically. We get action, descriptions of interesting characters (well physically interesting at least - we don't know very much about personalities yet) and a mystery. I'd say that it works brilliantly at building up interest and drawing readers in, but *sigh* there isn't any more!
| Ckh chapter 1 . 5/12/2016
Hmm. As of now, this is pretty good. The descriptions are varied, the feeling of fighting with a beast is there (working in packs etc) and the atmosphere is generally well done.
The descriptions don't linger on too much, but are good enough to create a sense of respect, and I respect you for crafting this piece.
Its certainly good.
| Thewise chapter 1 . 10/9/2015
Great action! Was he trying to breath fire, but couldn't remember how? Was it oxygen deprivation that caused him to faint? Loving dragon-humans! I hope you continue this one, as well as all you're others. You have so many gripping stories.
It's been a while, but is this the same dragon as the earlier story I read? Are there any connections between your stories?
This piece was very engaging, and you leave me at a perfect cliff hanger. You got a whole lot of mystery going for you in this one! Keep at it!
| LorrahBear chapter 1 . 7/29/2015
I could have sworn I reviewed this before, but it seems I have not! Sorry about that.
I am so curious as to what was on his eye. This was well written and I enjoyed reading it, and getting a better idea of who Matka is.
| softlycryingrain chapter 1 . 4/10/2012
I'm taking notes as I go on this one!
Interesting name-Matka Niebo! I like your description of the beasts right away-it grabs the readers' attention. However, some sentences can be a bit wordy. For example, the phrase "which were possessed of an eerie blue glow" could be shortened to simply "which possessed an eerie blue glow." Your writing tends to be very rich and flowery, which I do enjoy, but in cases like this, I think less words can result in a more clean-cut narration.
Props on the word "nascency!" I actually had to pull out my dictionary for that one. Impressive! I love learning new words.
"Ten days ago he had woke up with nothing . . . " I think should be "had woken up . . . ." Later on in the same sentence, I think you could do without the word "both." Just listing the two items would suffice, imho.
Also, you begin telling us about his origins in one paragraph, but then switch topics over to how he had woken up with no memories. Then, you go back to describing him. This section might flow a little more smoothly if you moved from the origins straight into his physical description. Then, you could use the memory of waking up with only a rucksack and no memories as a segue back into the current situation.
I love the scene where the creatures begin laughing! It adds an entirely different perspective onto the story thus far.
This is a very intriguing beginning to something that could be great! I enjoyed reading it, and if you enjoyed writing it, I hope you continue! It seems like you have created a fascinating world. I loved the descriptions so far. The last line is also a terrific cliff hanger :)
| Kaos Ninja9 chapter 1 . 7/19/2011
This was very nicely done! I love how detailed your descriptions were, it made it so easy to picture the characters and the setting. You also get a real sense of Matka's confusion regarding his situation. Keep up the great writing!
| XxNoImaginationxX chapter 1 . 6/12/2009
I really liked this, the use of language was excellent. I love that you described his colouring as fading to vermilion, rarely do you see so much detail, people often just go to the closest and more common colours but this is really specific, its great.
This guy seems to lose consciousness a lot, that can't be a pleasant feeling.
I like that you only made this a one-shot, sometimes when great ideas are made into stories it loses the quality and plot that it first started with. It also left a good cliffhanger, it makes your mind reel, just thinking of what could've been there, some people might not like that but it worked in this piece
Great Job :-)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 12/6/2007
Dude! You end this story on this chapter alone? Man, that really sucks for me. I thought maybe I'll get to see something interesting lol! XD Anyway, a good short story here. Pretty much gives you a lot of space to plan the plot if you really want to do that. Also, description wise it's quite good as well too... Anyway, thanks very much for your reviews on Circles of Arven as of now. Hope to see more of them soon! Bye! :)
| Zaara21 chapter 1 . 10/30/2007
Wow I was really impressed with teh variety of sentences structures you used. It just kept the story flowing effortlessly. And you give lots of details of what's going on. The beginning was great too. It hooks you in and right away you are wondering what's going on. Please write another chapter, I'm dying to know what happens next!
| Latasha Gayle chapter 1 . 10/29/2007
fantastic. Please continue, and soon!