|Reviews for Loka: the NotSoPrehistoric World|
| RuathaWehrling chapter 1 . 4/15/2008
Heya! Thanks for your review a while back! Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, but here I am now! I'll comment as I read...
1.) "A young Rhoetosaurus watched the last of the golden sunsets glowing rays melt" - sunset's, since it's possessive.
2.) "A juvenile Brachiosaurus rested behind him, the weight of his neck spanned along Uira’s spine" - Who is "Uira"? The previously-described dino, or a different one? Name your characters more directly to avoid confusion.
3.) "He nibbled at the leafs of a nearby bush" - leaves
4.) "usually a rich blacks and browns" - delete the "a" (or rephrase)
5.) "He closed his eyes, trying to drown out the horrible sound. Trying to forget that horrible sight." - What makes this attack so much worse than a successful raptor attack? Why are the boys so disturbed by it?
Well first off, I really like this idea. I can definitely see how such a story could come about from two kids playing with their dino toys! The "grandis" and "parvis" terms are especially interesting.
Unfortunately, while it's clear that YOU know a lot about each of these dino types, many of us readers do not. Can you help us out and add a little more description? Remind us of what a "rhoetosaurus" looks like. That sort of thing. A little more description would probably help a great deal.