|Reviews for Ugly Duckling Turned Swan|
| R e d chapter 4 . 7/23/2016
I know this story is marked Discontinued but constructive criticism doesn't hurt, hm? The premise of the fat girl transformed into what is conceived as beautiful AKA no longer "fat" is the exact kind of message that helps fuel a body-shaming society. Hence, I was reluctant to read this when I saw the summary but I figured, huh, a story of revenge? Perhaps she may change her appearance but will use her looks more as a weapon rather than something to finally draw in positive attention. Unfortunately, you already have her forming a harem by the 4th chapter. Suddenly, half her thoughts revolve around boys, their bodies, and sex? Did she really have to hook up with the family friend simply because he had a hot bod? If you want your readers to sympathize with her bullying, it is hard to do that when she can't stop thinking about her bully's skills in bed in comparison.
Your prologue was your strongest delivery in this story and I had high hopes for this until I read the first chapter and then so forth. The most immediate improvements needed here are toning down the sexualizing nearly every attractive boy that crosses her path and most particularly, working on character development. You need to keep Savannah's character consistent. How can she admire her father if she had never truly known him? Biology does not automatically equate to love. And if she adores the looks she inherited from him so much then why did she dye her inherited hair color? Bullying leaves behind great psychological scars and I thought you caught great glimpses of that in the prologue but suddenly, this Savannah is all decked out with a red ferrari, playfully seducing classmates, and acting as if these people had not dragged her soul through the mud for the past couple years. It is fine if you want to keep all of those aspects but then you must delve into her mindset during these events. As she looks and hear the admiration in their faces, where is the anger? The disbelief? The hate? The so called "cold fire" that you claimed she felt? Being treated inhumanely is not a fire that can be doused simply with lust or positive reactions that would otherwise be quite different if she had returned as the same Savannah.
Perhaps you have moved onto other works by now but I will leave this here as something that can be taken into consideration if you ever decide to un-continue this story.
| favorite fan chapter 5 . 3/13/2015
This chapter is so good but please update fast please...
| Celestialfae chapter 5 . 9/13/2014
Hello, long time reader first time reviewer,
I noticed that you have decided to discontinue the fic...again. May i suggest something? Perhaps would it be alright if I did something similar to this but in Naruto format. I wonder what would happen if it were Sasuke and Sakura in this situation? I think that would make for a good format. Tell me what you think. Oh by the way, i have a profile on if you're interested.
| Raychin chapter 5 . 7/14/2014
I like this story but she better now fall in love with Layton with out getting her revenge first.
| A Little Bit of Reality chapter 1 . 9/18/2013
I just read this today and I wanted to say I loved it so much and so wish you would have continued it! Damn!
| awaitingthedawn chapter 2 . 8/16/2013
D'awwwww! That's sweeet. I SHALL NOT BE SILENCED! Sorry, I will STFU now
| Bee chapter 5 . 8/5/2013
This is a brilliant story and I'm extremely sad that you have decided to discontinue it.
It deals with a very sensitive issue and it is nice to read a story that is so realistic and hopeful at the same time.
Being fat isn't funny sometimes, and I really wish you had given Savannah her ending.
I really hope you read this and get inspired to finish this story. It deserves it.
| TO LazyTOSignIn chapter 5 . 7/6/2013
I really wished you had continued this...
| alia chapter 5 . 1/30/2013
hi are you ever going to update. its great story
| starless-knight123 chapter 5 . 1/6/2013
Please continue for the love of God continue the story. I have to read more, no I NEED to read more or I might die a horrible, excruciating, even tragic death. I beg you, this story has me so envested and here are only five chapters. I'm usually not an impatient person, but I'm desperate for this story and the only way to be pacified is a reassurance that this story will be continued.
| mel chapter 5 . 12/21/2012
Please continue this version of the story! I remember you started to rewrite it or something, but this is really, really good stuff and you have a lot of people supporting you to continue.
| SweetlilSunshine chapter 5 . 11/12/2012
interesting, please continue this.
| Ann1423 chapter 5 . 11/10/2012
Hi,pleaaase carry this on! this is an amazing story and so breathtakingly refreshing from all the other stuff out here on fictionpress! I really wish she'd tell the school she was savannah though :(
| rasetsuyukino chapter 5 . 10/28/2012
Yeah I know it was discontinued and all but could you please... re-continue it? Please, Im doing virtual puppydog eyes here
| Lori Jane Summers chapter 5 . 9/30/2012
when i read the end of this chapter i wanted to throw the computer lolz i was like "no why'd u end it there!" XP Loved it _