Reviews for The Night Shift
JustSomeGirl07 chapter 5 . 1/7/2008
Hello, I've just found your story Im about half way through and so far I love it, Its very interesting and full of suspense, Im going to keep reading now :)

Great job

x
Bob Evans chapter 7 . 1/7/2008
I'm not quite sure what to peg Collin anymore. You have a habit of turning your protagonists into antagonists. I'm not quite sure I'm rooting for anyone right now...well, it would be nice if Collin had some more "humbling" experiences...

~Bob Evans
Bob Evans chapter 6 . 12/31/2007
Ugh, Collin sounds like a nut-job. He's using such simple logic when determining the murderer (I wonder if he ever considered that there was the possibility the killer was in fact not a park employee). I'm surprised Teneire hadn't kicked him out sooner.

Of course, I myself suspect that the killer is in fact one of the employees (for various reasons), but who knows...maybe you'll pull a fast one on me.

~Bob Evans
Bob Evans chapter 5 . 12/20/2007
$9.20 an hour? That's a friggin' good rate for a 17-year-old. Man, I could go for that kind of money.

I think that Jess, Lisa, and Nick are all somehow involved. As to which one did it, I can only randomly guess. There also might have been accomplices and people who just knew but didn't do anything. Either way, just one other question; are you sprinkling clues for the reader to be able to solve the mystery, or are you just writing it so that only the truth will be known at the very end?

~Bob Evans
Katth chapter 9 . 12/20/2007
This is getting really interesting! I loved how you told so much about Randy and how he's like without ever meeting him as well as with Scott. I noticed a typo or two, but nothing too major. Awesome job! I can't wait for the next chapter. :)

~Katth
Katth chapter 8 . 12/15/2007
Yet another twist! You're doing a really good job giving out information on the murder, but not enough so that everyone can guess who the actual murderer is yet. I can't wait for the next chapter to see who Collin suspects next!

~Katth
Bob Evans chapter 4 . 12/13/2007
Huh, I felt a lapse in the story at that last paragraph. "("He never thought that he’d have to use it so soon")"; when Nick showed it to him when he (Collin) was just meeting everyone for the first time, "("Collin never imagined he would have to use it so soon")".

Actually, believe it or not, I could spend hours doing nothing in a job like that. It's just something I've unconsciously trained myself to do over the years. I don't get bored easily.

~Bob Evans
Katth chapter 7 . 12/11/2007
I love how you've developed Teneire. He's such a powerful character and you've done so well making him. It really seems like Nick did kill Scott even though he tried to prove himself innocent. I can't wait to find out who the real murderer is! Awesome job! :)

~Katth
The Swimmer chapter 7 . 12/10/2007
I enjoyed the way that Collin kept making a mess out of questioning people. Good story!
Bob Evans chapter 3 . 12/10/2007
Ugh; promises, promises. Maybe one of these days I'll keep a few.

I'm noticing something a little confusing throughout the prose and text. In some instances it doesn't feel like we're seeing the story through Collin's POV, but more like we're watching it through a TV screen. There are a few awkward sentences such as "A strange look crossed Collin’s face at that moment; it looked like there was something he really wanted to say, but he wasn’t finding the words at the moment". That sentence right there could be a direct thought from someone watching this from a livingroom-to-TV perspective (e.g. "Huh, I wonder what he isn't telling her?"). In a literary stance, it doesn't work (Especially since we're following Collin, who's perspective is where we get all of our Intel on what's happening in the story. We only know as much as he does).

Anyways, getting to the actual story itself, alls I can say is that it's too early to tell much. Looks like we have some suspects, but if my instincts are right, Collin is just chasing a dead-end lead. But maybe along the way he'll pick up another one that puts him on the right trail. Let's see where it goes...

~Bob Evans

P.S. What game exactly is this based off of?
Ben.nes13 chapter 1 . 12/5/2007
Very interesting...i only had time to read chapter 1 but it seems cool, the only thing id like to have a bit more about is the prologue, making it a bit more Dan Brown like would be cool, as it seems you've entered that realm of prologues. Make it more descriptive, reactions, and so on. that would be very cool, otherwise, it seems to start growing into a nice direction.
Katth chapter 6 . 12/5/2007
Oh! Another twist. Now Nick's in the spotlight. This is starting to make me think it had something to do with that fight he and Ian got in the summer before. I wonder what will happen once they talk to Nick. I can't wait for more! Awesome job!

~Katth
Katth chapter 5 . 12/3/2007
Oh! A new twist on it! This is getting so suspenseful, I don't know how much longer I can take not knowing! I still love Collin, he reminds me a bit of a very hyper and innocent puppy. I can't wait for the next chapter! Please update soon! :)

~Katth
Head or Tales chapter 4 . 11/27/2007
Hey!

That's absolutely a good story, but it's really the kind of story that should be made into a movie. It's really nice, though, easy to read and entertaining.

keep it going

V.
hellome chapter 1 . 11/27/2007
wow this sounds great so far :]

collins character seems real and kinda cute

lol "whoa its got my name on it"

hm i have a feeling somethings gonna happen with that knife

and for some reason im kinda suspicious of lisa

ill be back to read & comment more when i have time

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