Reviews for The Night Shift
Katth chapter 4 . 11/25/2007
I love this story! Collin is such a down-to-earth character and is very believable. I can't wait to see how the story progresses and we learn more about the other characters! The only criticizing comment I have is that there were a few grammatical errors, but nothing major. Keep up the great writing!

~Katth
002fox chapter 1 . 11/19/2007
What a cool intriuging beginning! Sounds like the perfect mystery.. Nice job on this it's very well structured and a well done beginning explaining but not in a boring way...

~002fox
Bob Evans chapter 1 . 10/30/2007
Okay, so I've taken my time getting started on this, but I'm even more surprised that none of your other readers haven't left a howdy yet.

Huh, go figure. Guess this means I get the first review.

As far as plot and story go, I love the setting of the forest park. I've been to quite a few, so slipping into the scene was easy, and quite colorful. I think I'll like the scenery for this one. However, your syntax was awkward, and your opening paragraph felt more like a script for a video. You also have a habit of repeating the same nouns over and over.

If I could offer advice at this time, it would be to make the text flow smoother. Cut off unnecessary sentences (e.g. “Wow…thank you so much!” Collin said anxiously. He looked more delighted than a small boy on Christmas_STOP. ERASE_who just got a truck that he had wanted for five weeks. (Which would be like an eternity to a four-year old) ). Don't drown the reader in unnecessary emphasis, but don't leave out crucial details (e.g. tell us what it's like in the forest; the smells, the colors, the sounds; put us in the scene).

And as always, keep writing!

~Bob Evans
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