|Reviews for Blood Ties|
| FreedomStar chapter 15 . 12/7/2008
Ack, cliffie! Drat drat drat. I really don't like the way this is going. If I'm getting this straight, Walker shoved Dana into the elevator with Avery and sent them down to the Basement? Am I supposed to remember what's down in the basement aside from the obvious? I can't wait for the next chapter!
I hope you do well on finals! I can totally sympathize. Mine start tomorrow.
| Noctame chapter 15 . 12/7/2008
omg EVIL PERSON WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER SOON!
| Liviania chapter 14 . 11/7/2008
Oh, more hints about Walker. At least, more hints I have no clue what to do with. But I like guessing. Also, I'm very intrigued since he made Avery go nuts.
| LettyV chapter 14 . 10/31/2008
Great story! Can't wait to read the next chapter!
| Medieval-Rogue chapter 14 . 10/26/2008
Chapter 14 BT
So... FicPress has a character counter at the top of this review page - 8,0 characters...At first I thought that was really limited, but I just checked my last review and I think I'm fine. Although this one may be a tad short as well, just to make sure I do it.
The first thing that hit me this chapter was how crazy it is to think about Avery and Dana ….together, the way you had originally planned – just because of everything else that you have written instead. Of course, I remember vividly those beginning chapters of Bad Blood, remembering smoothly flowing. And know I wonder vaguely if you had planned those two together because of auras – Avery’s blood lust and Dana’s ability to satiate it. It makes for a very good concept, very juicy indeed, though now I really can’t picture her with him. The funniest part, though, has to be that Sirel is with Avery and Dana with Jamnis – each other’s “exes”.
And…heh…. Just a brief side note…. I got a kick out of the summary at the beginning of this chapter. “Then Dana called him a jackass.” Lovley.
And another note about “weird to think about” things…. Avery having anything to do with Mikey. I mean…..how often have they even talked? I guess, since Mikey was under Gavin’s employ a while back, they had to have met in a “business” setting, but I can’t really recall many scenes where they’ve BOTH been present. This isn’t really a critique, but it kind of led me on to question, like Vlad, the real reason Avery shows up in this chapter.
Throughout all this, this scene with Avery, you did a perfect job of keeping reader’s in Dana’s perspective – both with thoughts of Gavin, Aidan, and Ari, and most especially with imagery. My personal favorite was “The throb was crawling its way up the curve of my head, scraping at the seams of my skull.” I mentioned this in the beta, but it’s been awhile since the aurasight has messed with her / hurt her this much, making me wonder WHY – because if I’m remembering things right, practice at the PI and then calming down her practice (because of headaches) has helped to make them less stressful. Hmm… I wonder how this story is going to climax, because I have a feeling it will / should have something to do with Dana’s abilities.
Speaking of your main character, it always surprises me that Dana can go at people like she is in this chapter, and I think I’ve always expressed such, but I haven’t quite figured out why. I think it’s because Dana ignores her own problems and secrets most of the time, refusing to confront them that it always shocks me to see her so boldly and truly jump on other people in the wrong. She’s an amazing character, with flaws that sometimes make me cringe, like real people, but with a clearly good heart and mind that I love to see in action in this story.
And now my support for this statement is going to sound weird, but Vlad’s part in this first scene, with Avery, was perfect. It reminded me of this K9 unit cop I saw once, who had the softest but most commanding voice at the same time. It was…astounding. Here, Vlad is taking on the role of mentor, friend, and guardian, keeping Dana calm and trying to ease her aura-sight and teaching her at the same time – like when he told her to just imagine it all fading to black, the colors fading out the way they should when our eyes close. ESPECIALLY with Avery, a stimulus for her stress in this case. He clearly has the patience necessary when a student / friend can’t handle something.
Now, another quick sidenote before I get to one of the most important parts of this chapter. I adored the way you showed Gavin’s concern for Aidan. It’s that simple. When he started asking questions, outside the door, though Vlad could clearly hear what they were saying, it showed he was taking down a barrier for Dana and for his family that he clearly hasn’t been taking down – despite Sirel’s blackmail of photographs (SO cute and wicked, by the way).
And. *sigh*. Here we go. You could probably tell by my profanity in the beta, but I loved how you revealed two things: how Avery didn’t know Walker was around and….well, how critical it was that he didn’t know that Walker was around. His explosion was… well…just amazing. That whole subscene was awesome, the way Vlad immediately appeared to make sure everything was okay, the way Avery clearly knows more about Walker than we do (how that makes me BURN to know more about his backstory and why exactly Gavin and Avery hate, and dare I say fear, him so much), how his eyes turned black and fangs came out with a snarl, how he swore and took just enough time to appreciate Dana before blurring away with Vampy speed to find his son. If in vain. All of it, was just…soo….powerful. Damn. Just damn. _
(As for my earlier note about this being a shorter review – nix that)
The next scene, when we get into some demon talk…. Who boy. Was that a mental trip. The way you SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME with Vlad threatening to summon a demon, to the way you subsequently connected it with the talk Dana had heard from Walker…. To the way that Vlad figured the whole thing out. FDamn. Ffurther fdamn (those were not ftypos _). The demon washing clothes thing…the way you’ve built Walker’s whole character around this grayscale theme that so fits him….the way he spit out a few business cards to sucker people into deals and Vlad’s going to try (what might be a stupid thing to do) to use it as a magic-type tracking device. The way Kat was brought up again, the way real people would be in their circle of aquaintances. I hope you never seriously edit this scene because it was some of the best written dialogue and narration in sequence I’ve ever read. I really can’t describe quite how much I love it.
Finally, a little more sobering…. Michael’s scene. That part has been a long time in the making, I feel, and you pulled it off stunningly. I wonder if it was a little daunting to write, because if had been me, the expectation of two stories to see this resolution, of Dana’s physical scars and Mikey’s emotional ones, would have made it hard to write. Like I said, stunning. The details of Mikey’s burns from …well….practicing his magic, and the vision (you edited some of Mikey’s dialogue to clear up exactly who experienced the vision this time around, which….wow….ouch….made it much more powerful). And yet, for all the horrible, grieving, stressful and intense emotions here, it NEEDED to come out. This final scene in the chapter was purifying and cleansing and honest and is something that Dana and Mikey both needed, to get closure with each other in the truth and to get closure with the past in admitting what happened and how it affected their lives. The pact that they made at the end of the scene, too, is a more verbal recognition of this, and also of the future between them.
Amazing. Famzing. All around good feelings, if some of them were stressful. Part of me is thinking “It’s only Chapter 14, but I feel like this has all come so far,” but then I know that the last story was only twenty-some. You really have come far, in this story and as a writer, and while I ache to see this published someday, if it isn’t, I think there’s no doubt it’s become a testament to your writing skills.
Beautiful chapter, and if you do finish 15 before / within the early days of November, feel free to send it off and I think I can get around to betaing it. Happy inspiration and muse-feeding!
| Faith Adeline chapter 14 . 10/23/2008
Good job, I liked this chapter. Poor Mikey :( Keep it up and update soon!
| Medieval-Rogue chapter 13 . 10/22/2008
This may be either a shorter or longer review (more likely to be short), for which I apologize for. School, work, stories, and procrastination on reviewing this chapter in the first place are to blame.
The first thing that stuck out to me about this chapter was the guilt, with Dana waiting in this uncomfortable limbo for Michael’s forgiveness / acceptance of her honesty. Coincidentally, it came at a really good time because I did something not so smart recently and felt very much in a similar situation, so everything Dana did in this chapter, really, just screamed at me. In other words, you VERY accurately portrayed this dynamic of the story.
Next, I really ….really….REALLY love how far Dana and Jamnis have come. Sometimes I don’t acknowledge it out loud, but they are so….in tune with each other, and for the people that have experienced love (platonic, familial, or otherwise), this, too, speaks verisimilitude. I don’t know how else to phrase it, but it will suffice to say that I can TELL, as all the other readers must, that Jamnis and Dana both love each other in a way too deep to be separated easily or quickly. And…I had a tear-inducing type smile when I read Dana’s lines, “…you catch me when I fall, Jam.” That whole scene was perfect, more so because Jamnis clearly understands what’s going on (which means double the sexy, connection, and love). Oh! (I just saw it on the page) And when Jamnis asked how she knew he was there…perfect. It happens in real life, you just sometimes KNOW when the people you love are nearby, but between these two, it’s even more likely, despite the …umm…species (?) difference.
Having read Chapter 14 already, I feel like I have a lot more in sight and less fear in Mikey’s reaction in this chapter – both of which are good, considering they’re hindsight. We’ve been WAITING for this moment, when Dana spilled the beans, for…. Chapters, stories, just….a LONG TIME. And you wrote it perfectly. Michael’s understandable grief and anger at being deceived this whole time, at not knowing what to do with his emotions, perhaps because he didn’t know the truth, and I remember reading this and still being just as frightened as Dana about Mikey’s anger, still apparent in here. But he’s a sensible guy, despite the fiery tendencies, and that was illustrated really well when Mikey said, “I need more than one night to figure out how I feel about… everyone lying to me…”
The short scene with Tobias did a lot, again, especially in hindsight. In addition to setting up for Michael’s ….other reaction in Chapter 14, it continued our knowledge of Dana’s internship at PI. Tobias Segur is… a good character for showing truth and answers. One of those people that makes me think of a different kind of cleansing than what Sakura has, one where you vent the truth and find even more. Whether you meant to set him up that way, complementary with his clairvoyance (clear-vision of moments, truth), or not, it’s a good aspect and shows good characterization.
And you continue to have your world in this series down to, literally and figuratively, a science. Your understanding of the auras, etc., at work here become evident through conversations like the one in this chapter between Dana and Vlad – after he scares the crap out of her and freaks out her aura sight. Nice. I love reading these types of intellectual, puzzle-solving dialogues, because I keep trying to figure out HOW the characters are going to ‘cure’ Aidan, if they actually can. I think they can…
The ending scene, the ending lines, were simply superb, leading with a mini-boom into the next chapter (reminding me of a TV show, where they give you a mini-cliffhanger so you have to wait till the next episode for the characters’ full reactions and explanations, etc.). Finally – someone might be able to bring Avery back into the familial picture.
Overall, a wonderful chapter that I wish I had jumped on reviewing earlier instead of procrastinating like this. I’ll get to 14 here soon, before November for sure. I enjoyed betaing and reading and reviewing both of them, and I hope your muse stays happy with you through the coming months!
| FreedomStar chapter 14 . 10/18/2008
As much as I love Avery, he had it coming. Siriusly. What a moron.
And poor Michael and Dana, having to rehash all of that when it feels like it happened so long ago! Lying to protect someone...it's a hazy line, isn't it. So hard to tell what's too much and what's acceptable.
Great chapter! Cannot wait for the next one!
NaNo...is it really only two weeks away? *gulp*
| SouthernbyGod'sgrace chapter 1 . 10/9/2008
I love all three of your stories. I haven't beenable to review because I was too lazy to get a user name. I made the mistake of writing a story before joining and now I can't post it. lol. I've always wondered one thing: how did you come up with the antagonists(i would say villans but that doesn't really cover it)? I've always liked that they're not typical.
| Jade Elf chapter 13 . 10/7/2008
Awesome job. I love that she just called avery a jackass it ended the chapter with a nice bang
| Liviania chapter 13 . 9/29/2008
I'm just starting to realize how awesomely geeky Vlad is. It's very cool. (What, I like smart men.)
I'm glad she finally told Michael. Waiting longer would've been worse.
| For What Its Worth chapter 13 . 9/28/2008
Ooh, calling names. Is Avery about to be scorched? That would be so fun. lol. Eirene is going to tell Michael how Nathan died, isn't she? I think that would probably be best, wouldn't it? And until you mentioned it, I hadn't realized Tanner hadn't met Jamnis. How could I have missed that? How could Tanner not have met Jamnis yet? Well, okay, I get that bit. This was a lovely chapter.
| Lady of Confusion chapter 13 . 9/27/2008
| canislupus7 chapter 13 . 9/23/2008
AH! I literally yelled when I saw that there were no more chapters. Avery's finally here and you totally leave us in the dark. ...mean... hahaha, I'm just kidding. :D
I love these stories. You're the whole reason I started reading about vampires. You got me interested in them because your characters are so alive and real. You've created an entire world and I applaud you. You rock!
Update soon please.
| Faith Adeline chapter 13 . 9/22/2008
Good chapter. I feel bad for her, seeing as how Mikey is sorta just shutting her out. And I love Vlad. Seeing a vampire say, "Okeydokie," was hilarious. I literally cracked up. Gah. He's still my fav. hahaha. And Avery! Gah. Can't wait to see what happens with that. Keep it up and update soon!