Reviews for Treasures
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 11/16/2007
the ending is interesting because its sad, but they seem ok with that.. I love the part about the sunset and ppl not hearing the hums.. great piece and thanks for your review awhile back
Matthew James Current chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
Very interesting work. I can see both complexity and simplicity in your words. The bitterness in the third stanza holds this back from fully immersing the reader in the depth and elegance which the first two stanzas capture. That's my only real critique, is the change in focus which the third stanza has. But then, even in that stanza you express yourself clearly and what you are trying to say carries nicely.

Overall I'd say this is a very nice poem with a lovely theme. I like how you express yourself, clearly you have ability. Keep writing, refining, and living your life. And thank you for sharing this, it says a lot and says it well.
eighteen hundred chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
I like this. I like that the rhythm is very slow and awkward and short, all at the same time, because it's just right. The speaker is relaying the facts of the matter as she sees them, telling someone what is happening and what will happen, but it's not good. She knows it, the listener knows it, but that doesn't change any of the facts. This rhythm is the key to the poem as I see it: the images are cliche, nothing fancy style wise, no attention grabbing diction, but all of that fits right it with how the rhythm is telling the reader to feel. The image presented by the piece as a whole is cliche, it's mundane, it's okay but nothing special, as is the speaker's situation. There are are few images that leap out ("discharge of orange," "a song from my wires") and they provide just enough newness to communicate the sense that the speaker is just becoming resigned, that this sort of world view is not something she was born with, it's something that she is adjusting to possessing. It's new, it's sudden, just like the fresh images among the cliches. Good stuff.