Reviews for Latham Manor
starlight0039 chapter 1 . 12/18/2007
i like your re-write. it was better than the last one since it gave more details about the story. keep up the good work!
Written chapter 3 . 12/10/2007
don't worry, I love it as usual! I know what it's like to think that you can improve on something, but chances are that the readers are happy with your best.
C.F. Anne chapter 3 . 12/10/2007
This was still good. I was so happy to see that you updated! Great job...don't make us wait so long...k? lol. j/k. I understand that you're busy. (:
Duckie Von Paigenheimer chapter 3 . 12/9/2007
I really like the paragraph that starts "After several more attempts that proved as...". There was a moment towards the end of it, where I totally sympathized with her, and felt pity - before that I'd just been reading it - I don't know what it was about that paragraph, but it pulled me more into it so I could feel what she was feeling and feel awful for her. Weird. Good job!

The sentence "she replied as if the answer should be completely obvious" is kind of silly - because.. They ARE in a dungeon and it IS obvious, and she says "o' course" which already emphasizes that it's obvious. So yeah, finding a different way of phrasing that sentence would seem less redundant.

Her dream is crepy - Good job. It's the sort of dream she should have in a prison cell surrounded by dirty, malnurished, disheartened prisoners, after she'd gone through some trauma. Bravo... *shudder*

I have mixed feelings about your take on the rats. Part of me goes - yeah, that's a good. I like the comment about them being fed better than the prisoners - But, also... when I think of rats in prison, I think of danger. I think of rats knawing and eating prisoners, and creepy stuff like that- that fits with my knowledge of prison rats... anyways... just thought I'd mention that . Not really suggesting that you change it, but just sharing that it seemed out of nature for them for me for a moment... too many 'for's... you'll get it :P

Topsy-turvy seems a bit like an understatement.

Dr. Baugh, mentions that he thinks Anthony was beaten more because he was young and could take it - I think it would be normal sounding, if they beat him more because he could fight back more strongly - that seems more in character to me of Anthony, but I might have him wrong. Just a thought.

Good Sentence: " I would have walked to the ends of the earth and back again if it were only possible to go home and tell my Grandfather what a horrible two days I’d just had!"

I don't understand why he took her on the tour... it seems a little random...

It's going good - keep it up! Can't wait to read the next chapter!
anewclassic chapter 3 . 12/9/2007
I liked it. I'm excited for it to continue. Update soon please!
chocaholic92 chapter 3 . 12/9/2007
hey! This chapter was pretty similar to the original, but I still did feel that it gave a more detailed view of the dungeons. I am looking forward to your next revised chapters and eventually the new ones! thanks, and update soon!
S. Renee chapter 3 . 12/9/2007
How did you so suddenly become such an amazing descriptive writer? Not that you were bad before, but your re-write of this story has really opened my eyes to your talent for description! In fact, my only criticism for this chapter is that perhaps there was a little too much description. It's all wonderfully done, but it just gets a little tiring after a while.

I still must applaude you tremendously for actually setting out on this whole thing though and revamping your story so dramatically. I'm not sure that I could do it myself. Or if I did, I certainly wouldn't be able to do it quite as wonderfully as you have. I'd probably just change a few words here or here and leave it at that. You're doing great so far and I can't wait to read more!
LeenElle chapter 2 . 11/9/2007
Great chapter! I already feel like I have more of an understanding of Leisel than I did in the first go around of your story. I never did see her as the "wild child" as the women talking about her did, and apparently neither did she. I also never saw her as the type of girl who was always smiling, though I do hope she turns into a girl who can smile a bit more frequently. I also liked how you described the carriage ride, and the dropping of her trunk. I could definitely see myself in the time period which gave great insight into her life. Of course I remember her caputer at the gate and can only imagine how you are giong to change the rest of the story. I do like the new start though, because I feel as though you want some secrets to be the mysteries, not the personalities of your characters, as you said. I look foward to reading the new updates!
LeenElle chapter 1 . 11/9/2007
I must admit, I didn't notice too much of a change, although I didn't remember the doctor and Mrs. Hastings scene from before, so maybe you did tweak it a bit. It's well written for sure and short, which is always a plus for a first chapter...better to hook your readers with. Also, you still have the intrigue in there, with the key and the insistance that she go to Latham Manor. Sorry I didn't read the chapter sooner! I forgot to keep my eye out for when you were going to re-start everything! But now, I've got my eyes peeled.
C.F. Anne chapter 2 . 11/6/2007
Yet another fantastic job. This is more exciting to read than the first time...which is saying a lot. (: Keep up the good work...post more soon.
C.F. Anne chapter 1 . 11/6/2007
Much improved! I love the way it is rewritten. To be honest, I don't find any mistakes that have not been already pointed out in the other reviews. Anyway, great job!
Duckie Von Paigenheimer chapter 2 . 11/5/2007
For starters - Bravo on your re-write. Excellent! It was much more gripping, and I felt more like I was reading something you enjoyed writing! I'm proud of you for taking on the hard decision. Now for my critique - I don't know how close to dying Grandpapa was, but the Doctor made it sound like he would barely last the night - however - Grandpapa didn't seem like he was dying to me. Sick, definitely, but I felt like he had a lot of kick left in him for being at death's door.

I just realized something about the Metcalf key. You say that it's almost as long as her hand and I think... that's no little key... I finally realized I was comparing it to MY hand - in which case - No. Not a little key. To girls with regular hands - yeah, a little more reasonable :P I get it.

I like how in this re-write you can feel more why she would want to be a lady. It's easier to think of how she must have been just a day before that start of the book, and how being a lady is such a big change. She also seems more her age.

Chapter two helped introduce a good feeling of foreboding too - which I like. It felt more like it could be a ghost story. Your other version didn't have that feel. It was more like the ghost stuff was just another thing that happened, but didn't really matter in the long run. You've got an excellent start to change that feeling this time around.

Good job! Can't wait to read more.
CKay chapter 1 . 11/5/2007
oh goodness. rewrite!

I actually liked "lisl" . . . or was it "lisle". . . oh my. . . ANYWAY, I preferred the old spelling, but I would suggest "Liesel" as a good one too.

Anyway, doing well and all that. I just started reading this story the other day, so I never even had a chance to review it before, but here I am! keep writing, please! I do adore this story :)
S. Renee chapter 2 . 11/5/2007
Wonderful update of this chapter! Again, I must pride you on doing a wonderful job revising. I was, I admit, rather reluctant to reread the exact same story over again, but I can see now that I really had no reason to be. It's certainly the same story, but it's got new life in it now. And although the excitement and the expectation has gone, and I do look forward to reaching the new chapters, it's not so bad rereading these old ones. You're doing a splendid job so far!

I'm being very nit-picky, but I thought that since you're in the process of editing, you'd want me to mark any mistakes you made.

In the first sentence, "summer" shouldn't be capitalized. Seasons aren't ever capitalized unless they're used with another word, or as a proper noun (ex: Spring Term, Summer Lake).

FEET was mispelled as FEAT.

The paragraph when Liesel's climbing into the carriage was broken into two pieces accidentally.

After the young man first talks, you accidentally wrote TREE instead of THREE.
S. Renee chapter 1 . 11/5/2007
Oh! I like this much better! Not that your original prologue was bad in any way, but I definitely think this rewrite was an improvement. And I'm seriously not just saying that! Reading this, I kept thinking about "The Apprentice" and how you've come so far since then. I wish you lots of luck on this rewrite, but I honestly don't think you'll need it! lol. You're doing an amazing job already, so now I'm just excited to see what other changes are in store!

Two quick things before I go:

1. You had one little typo where you wrote beaux instead of beau. I'm pretty sure you meant the singular form since you said "Not even A beaux . . ." Perhaps the x just slipped in there.

2. I'm not trying to be pushy here, so please don't take this the wrong way. I'm just giving a suggestion. If I were you, I wouldn't spell her name Leasel. It's a bit of an improvement on Lisle, since the pronunciation's not as hard to figure out, but whenever I see Leasel my mind automatically tricks me and I see Weasel. So I kept reading. "'Weasel,' he sighed" and "Oh Weasel, my child . . ." lol. It just made me laugh. If you want to make it a little easier on your reader and keep any images of weasels from their heads, I would just spell it the normal, conventional way. Liesel. But that's just me.
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