Reviews for Punish the Deserving
Walker chapter 2 . 7/2/2008
Damn good. Slightly corny, but I say that about many things.

It reminds me of... something. I don't know what, but it reminds me of something else. Possibly something you wrote, possibly some book. Or something. But it's good.

Oh, and sorry it took me so long to comment on this. I think it popped up in my e-mail... well, whenever you posted it, but awhile ago.
Walker chapter 1 . 11/8/2007
Melodramatic. And, as you admitted at one point, cliched.

But still pretty well-written. Tell me, were you trying to imitate Robert Ludlum? You didn't entirely succeed, but it read like the writing of someone trying to intimidate Robert Ludlum.
Atari Tariyama chapter 1 . 11/8/2007
Aw, man.

This was a fabulous piece of writing if I've ever seen one.

The suspense was there, the perfect description, no cliche's to ruin the feel of the moment.

Every word rolling through the other and I could feel the fist of tension tighten in my chest.

You, my friend, can write!

There were no problems except one, and it was trifle, hardly worth mentioning, but I'll say it anyway:

You made the hunter, the main character, a bit too. . . scared. He did not think of any ideas, he did not really weigh the situation, he just went in carelessly.

The least you could have done, perhaps, is made him realize all the mistakes he made before his life ended.

Either way, great stuff. The only regret I have is that it ended.

Now return the favor and give me a comment on my own story!