Okay, you seem to be very good at pirate speak. But there are still problems. In the first two sentances, you overused "bark." You've already told she's "barking," so using it again just gets boring. Secondly, there are was to many exclamation points. Stop using, like, three exclamation points per exclamatory sentance. (See, "exclaim" is getting boring now, right?)

Thirdly, where the heck did this dude, (James Young, was it?) come in? Scarper is ordering people around as if it's a normal day; then all of a sudden it's "Where's the treasure?"

Also, discaliming what you have told me, your punctuation and grammar stays at the same level; and, to me, does not substantiate. (I usually use "suffice." I'm just giving yu another example of "boring overusages." But I'm probably contradicting myself by saying overuse over and over again.)

Ms. Valentino would probably like this story. Alas, I must leave.

Signed, your best friend,

Paramoure (pseudonym or pen name)