Reviews for tell me, preacher man
martyfalafel chapter 1 . 12/30/2007
I'm not sure that I agree with you, but that's beside the point.

The lines

and He,/the father who left/when our mother became/drunk with oil and addicted to fumes./He has left us to learn from our mistakes/but He is blissfully unaware that there is only so far/that a child can go without the steadying hands/of his Father./

are my favorite. I like the metaphor of a toddler learning to walk, though I get confused when you go on to compare us to teenagers in the next lines, and young children soon after. At first I thought you were using the metaphor to describe our journey from the time we were "created" until now, but skipping from toddlers to teenagers and back to young children wouldn't really fit that idea. Anyways, it gets a bit confusing when you jump from "tell me, preacher man" to speaking directly to the Father, and then back to "preacher man"...in fact, I don't actually like the lines

/your teachings, Father, left by your most favorite son/perverted/by we teenagers going through puberty/who break one rule to secure one more obscure ('fag beating')/

It doesn't feel like they fit with the rest of the poem. I do agree with them though; a lot of Jesus' teachings have been distorted, even perverted, by those people looking for an excuse for their hatred and ignorance. The last few lines, despite being a bit pessimistic, in my opinion, ties the poem together extremely well. Other than that, and my dislike of words like "hath", I enjoyed reading this. It was well-written and genuine, and thankfully, i couldn't detect a trace of "imfullofmyself"ness that so many poets seem to drip all over their work.

deep...hehehe
dress her up in fairytales chapter 1 . 11/27/2007
i'm a bit confused after reading this... because i don't know if you are pointing out the mistakes of society or just contradicting everything.

"He who hath given mankind life/allowed us to wander on chubby, unsteady legs/we are the toddlers/and He,/the father who left/when our mother became/drunk with oil and addicted to fumes."

Christ is the Father to the (earthly) fatherless. He did not leave us "to learn from our mistakes." He will always pick us up when we fall. He puts us through what we see as "mistakes" so that we can come out stronger and learn from them.

i don't mean to sound like i'm shoving (my) views down your throat but i'm just pointing out a few things. i guess it's easy to see (as of late) how we wonder where God is now. some people don't realize and don't want to see that He is everywhere and it pains Him to see His children acting so, in the world "we created."
smile for the sunshine chapter 1 . 11/16/2007
I think this is well written but I think you contradict yourself..."what kind of world we have created." *we* is the key. We are the ones that created the world we lived in, and the darkness. And you're right: God does leave us to pick ourselves up. But every broken opporunity is one more opportunity to start again. Think about it: Demolition crews knock down an old house that is invested with all sorts of things that we don't want to think about. Now the architecture and the construction crew come and build a new, beautiful house. No longer is the old thing there but something new, and better was created. Broken pieces of a flowering pot can't be put together. They need to become incinerated with water added to them before its "building back up" stage can begin. It's that old saying, "it gets worse before it gets better." So we are broken, maybe it happened for a purpose. Maybe there was some greater reward to face in the end. Ya know.

Good poem. Good questions. Keep writing. )