|Reviews for Darklake Chronicles|
| Insomiak chapter 5 . 6/23/2008
You spelt her name wrong duudde D: "It’s Desiny."
UPDATE NOW MOFO. :3
You should totally go into some warped detail about how Mannix thinks... or something. I feel like I hardly know him.
| Insomiak chapter 4 . 6/23/2008
So, Mannix and Felix, right? In love? RIGHT? I'm so going to hell.
I liked this chaapter the best so far. :D Jericho is cool shit.
| Insomiak chapter 3 . 6/23/2008
"...booby trap from an old Indiana Jones movie."
I'm sorry, I just read a chapter about a gay guy dressed as a whored-out Indiana Jones xD
You should put like... lines when you change scenes. You don't NEED to but it makes it flow nicer. AND OMG PLOT.
| Insomiak chapter 2 . 6/23/2008
"... friend Scott Baker, or as his friends call him “Baked” asks of Mannix."
Do this or I'll harm you: "... friend Scott Baker, or, as his friends call him, “Baked,” asks of Mannix."
You don't really need the comma after "or." But you need some bloody commas.
ALRIGHT :D Not many people'll know wtf IB is, so you should probably explain it... and Mannix kinda seems really really perfect, you know? Or seems to THINK he's perfect. Superiority complex... is that what you're going for? Or am I being an uber-bitch?
"It’s the name of a girl. It seems that our hero has a bit of a crush. Aww. How cute."
CLEARLY he likes Baker.
Oh god I'm kidding.
One more thing. You have to start new paragraphs when someone new is talking, so go fix the last line or I'll cut off all your hair.
But I liked it. The pop-tart-shoe-thing was cute. I giggled.
| OceanLeviathan chapter 5 . 6/1/2008
I have to say, this is getting more and more intriguing. I like the way you explained that ability as it does make sense in a weird way (when Destiny first used it I thought it was invisibility). I like Jericho, even though he sounds a little bit paranoid and anti-social.
Keep it up, I'd really like to see how this turns out .
| OceanLeviathan chapter 2 . 5/17/2008
Sorry but I'm gonna have to review just the one chapter again (I'm not supposed to be on the computer, I have maths, English lit, IT and Spanish exams next week!).
Anyway, this really has me hooked. The narative is just so casual and adds wit to the story. The school life seems realistic (I wouldn't really know living in England, it's so much different) and the characters are really interesting. Mannix seems really cool (it's an unusual name and really sticks out).
I'll read and review the rest after my Spanish exam, see you then .
| OceanLeviathan chapter 1 . 5/16/2008
Wow, who knew insomnia could create such an original setting? The way you talk to the reader is like they're there with you in the story, which is really nice.
And you've used actual places that are commonly associated with phony sci-fi sightings.
The meaning behind stonehenge was a nice touch too (I've been there, but they won't let you go up to it anymore because people keep writing their names on it!)
I'm going to read and review more, but I've got to get off the computer at the moment (killer headache, parents forcing me to study for my exams). So I'll have to do it tomorrow _.
I'm Lauren btw, seeing as you told me your name I thought I'd return the favour (if you ever get anomynous reviews with that name you'll know who did it!).
| Insomiak chapter 1 . 11/20/2007
Oh, this is awesome man. :] (Marsha btw)! Um, you might wanna go to your profile and change it so people who don't havce an account on fiction press can review too, though O:
"The lake is a thin place." Ima likes that. (heart)