|Reviews for Sweet Fate|
| jstsumrandomgirl XD chapter 1 . 6/19/2009
very nice, very cute;) lol. sweet. i lyk how hes such a big kid but still so darn loveable lol.
| ukrgrl chapter 1 . 3/21/2009
thanks for showing the review button :) cute story!
| Izzey chapter 1 . 1/13/2009
| Lucid Lune in Acoustic chapter 1 . 5/30/2008
I really liked this. It was so cool the way they met and hooked up. I liked how she talked to her Father when they were caught. Same thing I would have done, lol. I wos wondering if you still Reviewed, even though you don't write here anymore. Cause if you do I was wondering if you would Review one of my stories. Anyone, you pick lol. Let me know. Bye.
| Mad for Figs chapter 1 . 2/19/2008
Uber late review. Again. Apologies.
Anyway, the title was cute. It matched the basic plot line of the story. But I didn't really like the beginning. It seemed a bit vague to me and rushed. It doesn't seem to flow so well and just impedes on the progress of the remainder of the story.
The immediate asking-out-on-a-date scenario is a bit unrealistic to me. Personally, I like to see a bit of how the whole thing happened. What was running through his mind, etc. That part felt a bit too FP to me.
And just a question, how long did their relationship go for when he said "ILY?" Just a question concerning time.
It's a cute story line in general. My one concern is its speed, which I do supposed is normal since it's a one shot and everything. But a few more words wouldn't kill the overall effect.
Anyway, I did like it though, don't get me wrong. Better 'time' management would be appreciated though.
| criti-sized chapter 1 . 2/3/2008
Hey, I'm back again, and ready to review you.
To bo honest the beginning of this one shot doesn't really interest me like your other short did, but it seems like it's catchy.
"She reached the cashier first and it was all he could do the second she pronounced “sugar”, sprinting to her and the cashier, hoping over the counter, diving for the cookie." Lol, the first sentence was definitely catchy. Also, 'hoping' should be 'hopping'.
"...a Peter Pan in a world of humans." I really liked this sentence. It expressed a lot about his character in so little words.
" (nearly, just nearly-he loved his baked goods too much to let go)." I don't think that the parenthesis are that necessary... especially since it's in third person.
"Athletic. Muscular. Tan. And just a bit boyish. Just. My. Type. She let her thoughts carry her away." Lol, talk about letting her thoughts carry her away, wow I wish I had the time to do that.
Wow, they haven't exchanged names, numbers, or even reall looks, and she's hooking up with him. Talk about fast, lol.
"...losing her train of thought as her mind flooded with notions of how he tasted like caramel." Lol, caramel.
Though the ending seemed a bit fast paced, I guess it makes sense due to the fact that it's a one shot and they aren't supposed to be that long and boring, lol. I think for this short, the fact that they expressed they loved each other was pretty false, but that's my personal opinion.
| incandescente chapter 1 . 1/30/2008
It was just the way he was, a never aging little boy in a forever growing body, a Peter Pan in a world of humans. - I liked this line. :)
Worse than the time his mom had yelled at him for taking the car and totaling it, underage. Worse than the time that one girl cried when he had snatched her ice cream cone. - Worse? How? What did he feel? What happened to him physically? Why was it worse?
He turned around to get a good look at her, maybe toss her an apologetic “sorry”, - I thought he had already seen her as stated in the paragraph before it?
This story was short and to the point, skipping over unnecessary details. That is your strong point - knowing what to put in at the right now. Do make use of that skill well. :)
| Delayed Flight chapter 1 . 11/22/2007
I laughed so hard when he grabbed the cookie :), and I just loved the whole thing!
| Pinkamoo chapter 1 . 11/22/2007
Meeting by biscuits, quite original there :p Short, but sweet!
| Saphimire Karishnikova chapter 1 . 11/20/2007
This is cutest thing ever!
| starlit x sky chapter 1 . 11/20/2007
That was really sweet.
I loved it!
| ManicBlue chapter 1 . 11/19/2007
aw! i loved it! especially the chocolate cake part! yummy!
| SparklingStar25 chapter 1 . 11/19/2007
sweet!oohh!i seriously love this...its just to adorably cute!ha ha
| Lily Llynn chapter 1 . 11/18/2007
I'm beyond psyched that you're psyched that your story's in my c2! (: LOL. Now onto the actual reviewing-ness.
This was so sweet and cute, and I loved it. Oh and funny. I really really liked it, especially since the writing was well, readable. XD (In other words, quite awesome.) I looked at your prof (obviously) and I can't wait to see your story, Technical Difficulties! :]
| GrannyP chapter 1 . 11/18/2007
Aw.. that was so cute and sweet. I am sure that has been said a bunch of times already. But it's true. I like the switch of points of view. Great job!