[It turned pink! I didn’tknow ] add a space!

[“I’m notgoing to die] space!

[stalkedto the door] space!

[mere intensitythat ] space!

[willbecome a Talon flyer.”] space!

*gasp* Raven is crazy! I kinda like him though... Good addition to the story!

Just need to watch the spacing!

~Caecilia

So we meet Raven.

Sweet! I love the length of your chapters. They're just enough to keep the reader entertained, without dumping tons of details on them!

Keep up the awesomesauce-ness!

~Caecilia

*sniggers*

I love the trouble Jett is giving Gray. It's too great. Really love the story you have here. I've never read anything like this before.

The world you've created is very entertaining.

I can't wait to find out more about it!

pft. Thinks the beeper is defective.

~Caecilia

So, does he not have his tracker band on anymore?

Very good. Your dialogue is strong and very believable.

Can't wait for more!

~Caecilia

Ahh... So good.

I really love the story you have so far. It's really addicting.

Can't wait to read more!

~Caecilia, Beer Run

[Jett’s vision swirled, and the man once more became a huge black bird with glaring red eyes and sharp talons. The evil bird rushed at him, his beak opening wide to swallow him whole into its black, empty maw.] So cool. The image from that? It's really awesome. I love it.

This is great! No spelling or grammar mistakes that I can find, kudos. Love the story so far, your characters are good, and your descriptions are vivid. Keep on writing!

~Caecilia, down at the Roadhouse

Glad to hear you will still be updating this story! Looks like it's REALLY going to get good now!

Argh, stupid cliffhanger! Just when I think my questions are being answered, more come! But seriously cool chapter, Jett is going to be set for life! Though I'm guessing that that's what Raven planned all along. I wonder if Jett is going to have nightmares? lol, update as soon as you can!

when r u going to update?

i like how you started and ended the chapter with him saying the same thing but with different tones. it sounds like he really hates raven now, instead of fearing him.

Gee, Kuro...I could swear my last review said don't take too long to update again. Of course, that was like 18 days ago, so you probably forgot. Heh. Just kidding.

Anyway, you already know there are errors in spelling and some weird word placement, so I'm not going to go into that. What I will go into is the way this story is going along. And so far its still heading in the right direction.

Jeez, Raven is a harsh task master, huh? Bet Jett longs for the good old days with kindly old Gray. But I think this is good for our boy Jett...tough love at its most severe. And I like the little speech Raven gave as he explained why he was doing what he was. Seemed like just the right thing for an enigmatic, possibly slightly psychotic anti hero type to say.

I was always curious about the Forbidden Zone when you first mentioned it, but didn't think you'd go there and show us what's behind the wall. Luckily, I was wrong. Its almost as bad as I imagined it, but then again I have a very dark imagination. This version was pretty damn good, though, so thanks for that.

Very exciting chapter, very tension filled. I get an idea which scene you thought of as gruesome and I have to say I didn't see that one coming. Very twisted, lady...but since that's what you were shooting for, that's a good thing. Really, though...for the little girl scene? There's a red skinned little gentleman with horns and a tail waiting for you with a hand basket. (nah, just kidding. It was a little creepy, but it fit)

Great update, Kuro...look forward to seeing more, and hopefully sooner rather then later. (sorry, couldn't resist) Oh, yeah...and welcome to the dark side with the rest of us darkly themed writers. )

(This review was brought to you by The Anti Silence Squad at The Road House. Cheers!)

this story is an amazing piece of work especially for someone with two jobs. good work!

Very good first chapter. The descriptions are awesome and greatly depict what is going on in the chapter. I also like Jett's character. He seems relaxed, but at the same time very survivalist serious. The simple flow of your words, and how they don't make the chapter difficult is something that many authors that write outside of the romance genre can't do.

The only thing that I noted on was that you used the word 'and' a lot.

C.S.

Aww. Poor Gray. He can't just get his way, can he.

haha. Ignore my humor.

I love Jett. Even though he's been thrust into something he can't understand, he fights to stay alive. This story is so good.

~~Beer Run August, at the Roadhouse [Link in profile]

~Caecilia

I don't know if you mean for this sentence to be funny "All right. I don’t feel like doing anything right now, so you can go to the barracks, and do whatever you want. You can get the dying over with tomorrow", and I think you probably don't but I found it quite hilarious- but that's just me with my morbid sense of humor.

Although Jett's situation is horrible, Gray is a quite funny man. I look forward to reading more about what Jett decides to do.