Reviews for Until I Wake Up
BlueAki chapter 8 . 1/12/2011
haha I wouldn't of taken the challenge. I would've asked to go home, but I assume it's because she ate that weird apple that she wants to be close to Rowan.
BlueAki chapter 6 . 1/12/2011
I feel so bad for Jasmine. She's declared insane for saying the truth.
BlueAki chapter 3 . 1/12/2011
wow, i feel really angry that the sirens killed her cousins.
A. Barone chapter 1 . 8/28/2008
Nice. I like this start.
Twyletta chapter 27 . 6/28/2008
That was a great story! How wonderful! Loved it! You deserve a loud applause! (Clap, Clap) Awesome writing!
Gabby chapter 27 . 3/22/2008
*riotous applause* *standing ovation (though it's only one person)*

I absolutely loved this story! AH! It was great. The way you had Chloe die made it seem as though she wasn't really dying (though she was, on earth anyway) and it was so well written. I will definitely be checking out the sequel to this! GREAT STORY PLOT AND EVERYTHING!
Caliginous chapter 4 . 3/21/2008
I was just wondering. Did you get Rowand, the Seelie, and Unseelie court from the book Tithe, I believe its called?
Mystery Hunter chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
Ok...so I'm new here...and I was just looking around and read your summary. Holy Crud it's good! The story's too long for me though...sorry. But it seems really interesting. I read the first chapter. You're a really good writer.
Marie chapter 26 . 1/1/2008
Amazing story. I was hooked and the perfect bittersweet ending.
Vexi chapter 26 . 12/31/2007
WONDERFUL END! Amazing I really loved this story. Good luck in the contest!

I loved it because it wasn't full of cliches, when she woke up in the hospital you didn't it very well and it was different to all the other "woke up in a white room with a nurse looking down on me" kind of thing. XD It's a happy ending! The last paragraph was really good and was a brilliant ending! Sorry I didn't review all the way through but I enjoyed every update! Happy New Year.. Must be great finishing a story just before a new year starts! (lol yes I use the "!" too much but when I like a story I can't help it!)
Paper Bag Ghost chapter 26 . 12/30/2007
Aww.. I like that, it's so cute! Much better ending than the non-ending before! Awesome!Too bad she had to die though, o'well, at least she's happy. And it's a happy ending, whihc is really nice! - Smiles!
Paper Bag Ghost chapter 25 . 12/30/2007
Wha... It's over? No way!That's a really choppy ending... Especially since, if I hadn't read your profile, I would have thought there was more...
vexi chapter 24 . 12/29/2007
I was getting all choked up! Hopefully she can be healed okay
BluePillow chapter 3 . 12/18/2007
This is an amazing story. I just wounder, what do Rowan look like?
Narc chapter 1 . 12/17/2007
Hurray for nano! I didn't have time to get anywhere this year, but I won last year, and it was a lot of fun.

I thought this was a pretty strong beginning. You jumped right into the plot without any exposition, and give a good overview of what the main problem is right now through the actions of Rowan. My overall impression with this chapter is good. Now on to concrit.

The biggest problem I saw with this chapter is the point when he's looking into the water at the image of the girl. That paragraph sounds like he's on the red carpet at some awards show talking about an actress's dress. Since this is from his POV, what you describe should really reflect what he finds significant. If Rowan is the sort of guy who's really into the specifics of clothes (boots in particular), this is a great description. However, my bet is that that's not the case. I would try to focus more on overall impressions, and only go into the specifics that strike Rowan the most. I'm betting the silver chain is significant. Maybe her multicolored hair.

It's obvious you've put a lot of thought into how this girl looks and how she dresses. There's nothing wrong with that, but you don't have to dump it on the reader all at once. Integrate it into the story when certain elements of her appearance are more significant. Maybe only talk about her eyes when he's having a conversation with her or something.

“You have noticed the dwindling magic, no doubt? Well, this girl is the way to fix it.” Rowan sighed. “Arabella, I do not want to force you.”

- It seemed strange for him to warn her that he doesn't want to force her before Arabella actually responds in any way. Maybe mention something she does or says that suggest noncompliance.

Since it's December, I'm betting you're already done, or near done with this. But good luck with it anyways.
21 | Page 1 2 Next »