| Reviews for Pie |
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   APassionForReadingAndWriting chapter 1 . 9/3/2013 How cute! :) I love it! Great job! :-) |
| SwimmingThroughExistance chapter 1 . 12/29/2011 very well written and cute:33 |
| urtenshii chapter 1 . 3/28/2011 cuute :) i like it... continue writing ! |
| hydrocancellation chapter 1 . 8/23/2009 I like the plot and cuteness of it all. BUT the story is a little choppy. Express more, take you time to tell the tale. Don't jump to the next move so soon. Explain more of the feelings-that's most important and the most essential ingredient to engage your readers in the story. It was fine until the part where you say "His hands are cupping my head and my arms suddenly betray me and wrap themselves around his waist." It's like saying I gave in to him because he cupped my head. Huh. Weird. You should add a little more feelings and actions like: His hands are cupping my face, tilting my head back for better access. I couldn't resist the sensation that he's creating on my lower lip as he nipped on it, sending chills down my spine-nice ones. Oh crap, I didn't just think that did I? And for the part where you said: "He is pleading for entrance to my mouth and gently, I part my lips." It's repetitive. Why not say it like that: His tongue was doing things to me, messing my head up and before I came to my senses, I had allowed him to enter, deepening the kiss. Then the following part has to be altered. Had I a chance, I would have rewritten this part for you but it's not my work and these are only my POV. You don't have to take it if you don't like it. Anyway, you did quite well, keep it up. ) |
| Goddess of Sarcasm chapter 1 . 7/9/2009 cute... and did u no that the first word is happy, and the last is pie? pretty random, but um... yeah |
| passer-by chapter 1 . 6/19/2009 I want pie now. Your stories are going under my favourites (: |
| MetroxStation chapter 1 . 2/19/2009 wow... awesome writing! |
| Abc1234512 chapter 1 . 1/24/2009 I love how you put "I can’t help but notice that he tastes exactly like banana cream pie." at the very end. x] |
| I Murder on Impulse chapter 1 . 12/17/2008 aw...so cute! |
| blurrylights chapter 1 . 12/14/2008 That was so cute! You did a great job...Really adorable. :) |
| toffeecakesxox chapter 1 . 8/27/2008 Aw! This is ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE! I love the fact that she screams when pie burns, and then chyeah. She's crazy, but it's an awesome-crazy! :D Strawberry xx |
| Hazelnut Romance chapter 1 . 7/26/2008 sweet! |
| l0v3abl3 chapter 1 . 7/8/2008 Cute! Loved the pie part. :P |
| emerald chapter 1 . 4/12/2008 Aww! So cute! Perfect break from Calculus and Linear Algebra exam studies:D. |
| HelloLovely chapter 1 . 3/1/2008 I love the part about the banana cream pie, but I couldn't help but keep waiting for the part where it says "...and then the world blew up." Ha ha ha. Love, Becca |