I liked the flow of this one, I also found your writing style interesting.

Keep Writing!

Double A

This is CREEPY!

But cool.

Waiting 4 more!

I like the flow; its smooth and works well for this piece. The rhyming seems a little bit forced in some places, but its a good piece none the less. Well done.

Don't listen to the other review! This poem is so awesome and cool!

But I should probably explain the whole story of how you didn't write this. SO, beluga1 always writes or draws on the backs of her tests, and once she didn't have time to before the test was over. And that one time, her test came back with this poem writen on the back. No one claims to have written it, but both of us thought it was cool enough to post.

Hope everyone LOVED it as much as I did!

Write on,

Horse237

First of all: loose means and lose means

Therefore it should be "To LOSE your own heart?" It's one of the most commonly made mistakes and you should really avoid it.

Other than that, your topic is cliched. That wouldn't be a problem if your imagery had an original spark to it. It doesn't. Your rhyme scheme is dull and adds nothing to this, it also feels forced and blatant.

Few tips: Don't rhyme, don't write another poem until you actually read a few and try to find your own imagery.

This isn't a flame, I'm dead serious and those tips will help you.