|Reviews for Bleeding Markers|
| MoonfireSpam23 chapter 4 . 12/4/2007
Waa...waa...wa... (goes to cry in a corner). That poor kid... :(
I hate it when little kids die...
Some more description of the evil Kyle and other killer would've helped. Otherwise, great chapter! :)
| Generik chapter 4 . 12/4/2007
Hey there, first off, I like your title very much. It's what caught my interest in reading your story, as well as your summary. Though you might want to remove the 'summary sucks' portion because it may turn off potential readers. The stronger the summary, the more interest it garners.
I found your beginning quite interesting. The high school isn't segregated anymore and that provides the conflict and tension between the characters. The characters you've introduced so far have a role to play, Lilian is the somewhat oblivious white girl, Gia and Elliot are the protagonists of the story. I hope in some way Will isn't a one-time appearing character. Considering he's friends with Elliot, it would be interesting to see a social conflict for Elliot between his friends and this girl he likes. That could be developed into so many good angles.
I look forward to reading more, especially character development - that explains why they are, the way they are. Also your setting gives you so many options, hopefully you mold it into a not so cliche high school story. One thing I wanted to ask you though, why did it start off with Lilian asking Gia if she was in love with Elliot? It just came out of nowhere.
Good luck and keep writing!
| MoonfireSpam23 chapter 3 . 12/3/2007
Stupid perverted old MEN... O.o
Bleeding Markers does make sense now..
UPDATE! I got nothing else to say...:O
| MoonfireSpam23 chapter 2 . 12/3/2007
Aww, guys being awkward around girls is so cute! ;)
Georgia racism IS awful... Still is today. I was schooled there for a bit... Ugh!
Nice chapter, I noticed no errors. :D
| MoonfireSpam23 chapter 1 . 12/3/2007
I totally agree with you- racism is stupid. The only problem I have with black people is if they are rude to me, however I feel the same way toward whites. As my health teacher says: You're all blue in my world.
The description could use work, great story otherwise! :D
| Oracle of Destiny chapter 3 . 11/29/2007
Aww, I feel so sorry for Gia in this chapter. She deserves to have the best things in life I think.
It sounds like Gia's mother is a bit of a harlot and going from one bad bloke to the next and bringing them home. I get a strong feeling that she doesn't look after Gia like a mother should do. I mean, why would she want her own flesh and blood (her daughter) to pay for the bills? That isn't right at all. She needs to support Gia and herself but she doesn't do it because she's a bad mother figure who doesn't give a damn about her prioties and her family too.
Well the guy who paws Gia is a stupid idiot who thinks he can try it on with other women and even young girls too. He should be locked up in jail for doing that kind of things. It's a good thing that Gia fights back and stands her own ground. But even though she appears to be strong on the outside but that is a different case in the inside as she's hurt and vulnerable.
| Oracle of Destiny chapter 2 . 11/29/2007
I'm starting to like Elliot even more xD It just proves that he isn't racist in anyway at all (unlike his friends) and he understands that all black and white people are the same and that they should be not treated as differently by people or be judged for petty things like skin colour or gender.
I laughed when he said about taking Willard behind the damp and beat him to a pulp and the comment about flushing his head in the toilet and pushing him in his locker. Now that was excellent and humourous at the same time lol. But seriously the comment that he said to Willard was powerful and I could hear him almost mutter it lowly to him in an angry way.
At least you get an insight in his mind (well thoughts) and you get to know a little bit about his background too.
He really loves Gia and I love the line: "There is no possible way I can ever catch a goddess like her; she is the confident, beautiful queen, and I am the lowly, lovesick peasant that would kill to be her king." That's one of my favourite lines in this story so far.
| Oracle of Destiny chapter 1 . 11/29/2007
I like this story so far as a lot of interesting ideas are featured in this.
It's obvious that Gia has a crush on Elliot Mason and she's denying it to her friends and even herself to some extent.
Lilian is a good character and I think she's trying to be supportive and try and be a friend to Gia but yet I feel she can be annoying sometimes as she is the type who will constantly pleases people everytime.
I take it that Gia doesn't like confrontations but yet she knows where she stands in high school I think and she is sterotyped for being black in a way.
I really hate Willard and Bobby as they are racists and they just are good at acting like complete arrogant pricks lol. I don't have any time for people like that as they are scared of something they don't understand and that's why they are racist in a way. Good thing that Willard got what he deserves really :)
| Twilight Starr chapter 3 . 11/29/2007
Original title. Poor Gia. She has a bad home life. Nice work.
| heartfeltlove chapter 3 . 11/29/2007
cool story I like the new name it's very creative
| Anonymous chapter 3 . 11/28/2007
| Follow The Pendulum chapter 2 . 11/27/2007
I'm glad that you decided on a title, even though it's a bit hokey for me, but why did you change the year of the setting? There was a lot more racial tension and laws against interracial romance in the 60s so I was looking forward to see how you were going to play that out. No matter, I guess it's the same. You don't have any obvious mistakes that I can remark on so I'll look for the next chapter.
| Twilight Starr chapter 2 . 11/27/2007
Elliot seems like a great guy. This really showed inside Elliot's head with ease. Great job!
| Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 11/26/2007
Great start. It seems like Elliot isn't racist, which is good. I love the name Elliot, by the way. Too much "Law and Order: SVU".
I can't think you enough for your reviews of "Fate" and "Places I Thought I Would Never Go". I really appreciate it.
Good luck with writing, this story, and life. Have a wonderful day.
| dontyouno chapter 1 . 11/26/2007
the story sounds good so far, i hope that you keep going.