|Reviews for Mystia|
| LoveMoreAmazing chapter 9 . 11/16/2011
Wow. I'm wodering what Tanami's new roommate is all about! I wonder why no one is wondering this also! He seems like a he's a bit creepy. I like your story so far. I hope to see a few updates soon! XD Pretty please!:D
| Joy.Cemw chapter 7 . 8/17/2011
Hope to read more!
| eiyuang999 chapter 1 . 5/24/2010
Cheap retail watch, sunglasses, belt, hats/caps, High quality T-shirts,ED hardy t-shirts,ED Hardy hoodies,ED hardy ,Jeans,GUCCI shoes,LV Handbag,Chanel Handbag…high quality,low to:
| Edara chapter 7 . 12/29/2009
Brilliant. Love your writing XD
Can't wait to read more :)
| LoveMoreAmazing chapter 7 . 10/16/2009
I really like your story so far. I hope you write more. :)
| DELETE MY ACC chapter 7 . 7/19/2009
hehehes i wonderhow he'll relise his misake
| crazygirl101 chapter 7 . 4/18/2009
Hi hope to read more soon Joe J!:)
| Septembergirl15 chapter 1 . 11/3/2008
Julia mae write more please!
| Silencia chapter 7 . 2/16/2008
I love the thoughts of Saiya! Actually, he reminds me a little of Sasuke from Naruto! Please update soon!
ps:check out my story! Its worth reading (I hope) and I'll love you forever if you do!
| Silencia chapter 6 . 2/16/2008
YOU'RE SO EVIL! I'm glad chapter 7 is already up XD
| KittyKaiya chapter 7 . 2/12/2008
Your forgiven just this once (re the short chapter)
Wow, MeatLips left an indepth review but I have to agree with a couple of points. Anyway the chapter was good, I especially liked the ending with Saiya and Arian - I bet the fall left a mark.
Update soon ok - but longer PLEASE
| MeatLips chapter 7 . 2/9/2008
I see a lot of potential in this story. Having said that, I will now move on to what I hope will be useful and constructive criticism.
As pointed out in other reviews, your descriptions need some work. It's the author's job to paint the details of a scene into the mind's eye of the reader. Or at least provide enough detail for the readers to create the background themselves.
Your story's plot is interesting enough to grab the reader's attention and hold onto it. This is the most important aspect of writing: Keeping your readers from becoming bored. But you do need to flesh things out a little more. Provide more background information. For example, Aria's dorm room is rumored to be haunted.
Without coming right out and saying it, you could have used a little more foreshadowing, like Aria overhearing some of the other dorm residents talking about the latest poor sucker to get that room or something.
Another quick point here: Research is KEY. Depending on the country that Aria's school is in, you should research how such a school is run, at least from the perspective of the students.
There's a lot of questions that either should be answered or at least used to tease the reader lest they be perceived as plot-holes. Here's a few that immediate
ly came to mind:
1) What is it that Aria hopes to accomplish by going to an all-boys school?
2) Why is it so important to her to be considered the 'perfect child' for her father?
3) Where is her mother in all this?
Perhaps Aria's mother died and her btother gets all the attention. That would make sense insofar as Aria believing that she needs to be a boy in order to get any sort of attention from her father. The possibilities here would be enough to make Sigmund Freud's head spin.
As a final note, I'm a total sucker for these gender-bender style of stories. I
highly recommend the following three mangas. They have very similar storylines a
nd they may help you get an idea how other authors approached their respective works:
1) Hanazakari no Kimitachi (AKA Hana Kimi) [Romance, Comedy] - About a girl who
enrolls in an all boys school in order to meet and become friends with a boy who
was a national high-jump champion in Japan. Awesome story.
2) W. Juliet [Romance, Comedy] - This one's about a boy who dreams of becoming a
n actor. His father makes a deal with him: Go to highschool as a girl for all three years and he'll be let out of his obligation to take over the family business. I highly recommend this story.
3) Tokyo Crazy Paradise [SciFi, Action, Romance, Comedy] - About a girl who was
brought up all her life as a boy. She ends up becoming the bodyguard to a yakuza
prince in highschool. Awesome action in this manga.
You can read these works online at .com.
Well, that's all I got in me right now. I hope this helps. My standard disclaimer applies: I am by no means a professional writer. I just want to share the points that have helped me in the past with my own work. This story has been great so far, I sure hope you continue it.
| KittyKaiya chapter 6 . 1/1/2008
Great story so far, the plot is interesting and so are the charactors.
I can't wait to read more
| Noctame chapter 6 . 12/29/2007
| Mumblings of an Ink Slinger chapter 5 . 12/18/2007
I think this chapter was a little too fast, but I like the way to plot is coming along. It's good that you keep her focussed on "becoming a man," since some other authors might just break off into her life at the school and how she was all in love with this guy or that. You have made sure she is dedicated to a cause, which prevents the story from becoming a sappy romance novel.
As for Ch. 5 being a little to fast: Don't be afraid to use detail. Elaborate on her thoughts, describe your characters more fully, flesh out the dorm and the people. Ch. 4 could use a little of that, too. I got a little confused when I read too quickly, so just slow things down, make sure everything is clear, and keep up the good work. :)