Reviews for Janua Caeli
KimHua chapter 2 . 4/14/2008
Hi,

Well, I enjoyed this start to the story. Obviously, it's early days yet so I'm not sure where the plot's going, but it looks interesting - kinda "Buffy the Vampire Slayer-esque". I like your name for the weird creatures.

I definitely think the first chapter's more engaging than the prologue. It's obviously more action-oriented, which helps, but it's also clearer to understand - the prologue's full of hints and suggestions as to the plot, which is good for suspense, but I found there were too many hints and not enough solidity to really engage me. You might want to consider re-doing it, or alternatively leaving it out completely, and adding the plot points/character introductions that you make in the prologue to another, later chapter.

The dialogue flowed easily enough, although I found the line “You must be all kinds of worried.” very jarring. To me, it doesn't sound like something a doctor (particularly one the character's never met before) would say - it's too informal. But that might be a cultural thing.

I really enjoyed your portrayal of Katrina, and the way she's so distracted when she's concerned about something. It was easy to picture, and endearing for me as a reader. Spelling was generally accurate. There were a few minor errors, such as "Too find out otherwise..." which should be "To".
poncypuck chapter 1 . 12/2/2007
Wow, there are no reviews yet? Surprising, this is really interesting. Save for a few punctuation issues here and there this is really well written. I'm curious as to what's going to happen next. I'll be sure to look for an update!