|Reviews for Paper Dreams|
| Ellsbeta chapter 1 . 12/4/2007
I like this one. But I would suggest changing the last line slightly. You have a bit of a rhythm going and in the end it gets slightly disrupted somewhere. I would suggest changing "and free" to "carefree." I think that "a paper boat in a bathroom sea" could stand on its own as a line. If you still want it to be sinking you might consider rewording the line or adding in a whole new line to explain about the sinking, that might fit well in between the last two lines.