Reviews for Sixteen Candles
Guest chapter 18 . 7/21/2012
wow new chapter ! thank you :)
BlueAki chapter 2 . 3/7/2010
I'm really enjoying this story so far. I do think the prologue should be extended, only to add more information to make things a little cleared. Besides that, keep up the great work!
Gray Weather chapter 1 . 2/24/2010
i really like your story so far. your writing flows really nicely!
Lyra Kaji chapter 6 . 11/9/2009

Okay, enough of that. The story powns. JUST FIX THE ADJECTIVES. It's driving me INSANE!
Lyra Kaji chapter 5 . 11/9/2009
Wait, so did her father just tell her to sacrifice herself for them?

Kinda confused.


More -ed adjective mistakes...shielded, not shield. If she's being shield, that means the opposite of what you want it to. It means that she is the one shielding them, instead of they are sheilding her.
Lyra Kaji chapter 4 . 11/9/2009
You're still having -ed adjective problems...

And you had a their/there/they're mistake. It should've been "why they're after Ivy," not "why their after Ivy."

Oh...really picky now. I'd put an exlamation point after where Ivy opens her gift and says oh. The way it is, she sounds disappointed. "Oh!" sounds way more enthusiastic that "Oh,". The way you have it, I got confused and though maybe she wasn't happy with the bracelet.


(If you want to review my story, it's Darksilver... A bunch of people kept saying stuff like that on other peoples' review, so I figured I'd start telling people that, because I am in desperate need of reviews. If you just wanna read it, that'd be really awesome too :))
Lyra Kaji chapter 3 . 11/9/2009
You really need to pay attention to adjectives that ought to end in -ed. EX: blond hair, blue eye. Should be blond-haired, blue-eyed.

Otherwise high five!
Lyra Kaji chapter 2 . 11/9/2009
Couldn't find any major errors. This looks great.

One problem though: you said justify instead of justified.
Lyra Kaji chapter 1 . 11/9/2009

In a couple places (understandably) you put -ed on words where it should have just been -e, and vice versa. I do that too...just watch your spelling.

The ideas are great; you weave great images. I the concept itself is intriguing. I'd come up with (possibly) a different way to say fountain of youth, just to be that much more creative/original. Maybe translate it into another language to make it seem more mystical or somethin'.

authorLH chapter 1 . 10/10/2009
I'm in love with this story; it's written so well and the characters are interesting please continue!

-Lain :]
Sarah Bear Catherine chapter 10 . 10/9/2009
Aww, you didn't have to put in the side note. But, thanks, and, your welcome. c:
Sarah Bear Catherine chapter 2 . 10/2/2009
I love the idea for this story; it keeps you interested and leaves you wanting more. However, it is bugging me to no end that you don't use quotations with dialogue. I would highly recommend you use them-it makes it more understandable to the reader, and you want readers to understand, right?

As I said, very nice concept.
NyghtWriter12 chapter 5 . 8/26/2009
i would advise proof reading a little more. some words are mixed up with similar words, you know the ones that sound the same but spelled differently and have different meanings. I can't remember the word for it... but this is for the story not just the chapter. also some sentences are missing words that would make them make sense.
NyghtWriter12 chapter 6 . 8/26/2009
i would like to see this continued. it's interesting and good.
xXFlippyXx chapter 2 . 3/11/2008
X3 so far so the plot and i cant wait to see what happens next! The waiting is killing me but i suppose i can be patient because i know how difficult updateing can be when you have a real life. lol. Please update asap though.

16 | Page 1 2 Next »