|Reviews for The Ancients|
| XhatchX chapter 1 . 12/15/2007
I really like this. I feel like it would be absolutely perfect in an illustrated children's book. I can see the pastels blending together and the pages turning...
When you say "speaking/whispering" and "twirling/spinning" and "clearly/strongly" and "glinting/gleaming", I feel like it could be stronger if first, you capitalized them, and second, you put a period after each one.
"You can find two faeries dancing./ Twirling./ Spinning." I don't know why, but I find that more appealing.
Also, I'm not quite sure, just from the context of your poem, why it's called "The Ancients". I like the title, but it's a little unclear.
Lastly, I don't like how you put the semi-colon after "Tales of the ancient ways;". Semi-colons remind me of history essays.
These are just minor edits, though. It brings across very clear imagery, and the language is quite beautiful. It's very rhythmical and reads like a song. I feel very compelled to paint after reading it.
Just remember, I critique based on a reader's perspective, not a writer's, because I feel that the reader is the most important audience, however subjective his/her opinion may be.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 12/9/2007
I really like the format it glows beautifully.. although I mightve but it in stanzas.. the descriptions are wonderful also