I really like this one. It is true on many levels, at least for me, ones I can even relate to. That connection is sometimes hard and you pull it off wonderfully. Look forward to seeing where you take this.

I thought this was pretty good. It's nice that you're enthused about it, and your wording is really beautiful.

If you're into constructive critisism: (if you're not, dont read)

Since the narrative is from the young woman's point of view, I thought that the first paragraph was a bit awkward. In stories, It's conventionally not very good to describe yourself (meaning yourself as the character) I could understand the macho description in the beginning (which is really pretty, dont get me wrong) if it was narrated by a non-character (hehe, a narrator)... still, good job.

WHAT?

O_O I am appalled. WHY does this awesome/wonderful/amazing/scary good story only have ONE review?

I mean, it's good.

I like the girl chracter, she's a little wierd, and your-typical-messed-up chick. I like the guy(but if only he had black hair and hazel-golden eyes...)

I'm looking forward to the next chapter.(Will there be one? PLEASE tell me there will be. I mean...it looks kinda like it's been a few months...and I'm an impatient person who checks like every week).

wow, that's really intense/dramatic! :P i liked your summary, so i though i would check out the story.

you start out well and establish your character within a few lines. :)

the huge paragraph in the middle can be broken into two, i think... it's a bit chunky to read on a computer screen. XD

i like these one line paragraphs - they really show your character and how she thinks.

this intro makes me want to know more about both of them and the whole situation... it's pretty sparse right now, and i would normally tell you to elaborate more, but i think that's coming in the next chapter (?). good job so far! keep writing!

-Lefty

ps: if you want more reviews, go to "The Review Game" forum! there's a link on my profile page... :)