|Reviews for The Frog Prince|
| Imperfecione chapter 5 . 8/28/2008
yay! you posted new chapters! So,
I love chapter 4. (your plot is interesting enough that I actually remember the soryline...)
but with chchapter 5, I felt as though the quality of the writing went down. It felt... over-scripted... hm hard to explain. I do like the plot-line here though.
so... yeah... great story.
| Imperfecione chapter 3 . 3/26/2008
Yay, a new chapter! Just one thing though... What happened to the Beans? and... im sure youll tell us later, but why would Patience's grandmother hate princes?...
| Frosthold chapter 3 . 3/20/2008
Arrg! Too short! And so, so good (as always ; D). Anywho, I don’t think it would be a bad thing to go more in depth with the Jasper thing. You could put a very good spin on the Pied Piper story and still make it interesting. Also, it’d improve the flow and give the story much needed length. And as you pointed out, you’re spending a ton more time on Patience and the frog prince (not that I don’t love them too.)
And now onto the grammer…
“Now that it was too late.”
“Soaked. That's what he was.”
Could it be that his brain in locking down in the cold? Very good use of short sentences.
This deserves its own line!
“Patience shoved more hay over the princes head, ‘Says the one who lived in a pond’”
Two errors in this one. ‘…over the prince’s head. “Says…”’
“Patience thought bitterly.”
Maybe ‘she thought bitterly.’ Again redundancy.
Lovely work, update soon!
| Frosthold chapter 2 . 12/28/2007
Yay! Update! Great fantabulousness here. BUT, I did notice that the formating was quite different from the beginning to the end and the grammar was awful. Here are the worserest mistakes, i.e. the ones I could find, as well as the parts that were the funniest:
“He didn’t know where he was going, either and to make matters worse.”
Should be ‘…he was going either, and…’
“Oh, he remember he was Jasper.”
Should be ‘remembered’
“He had forgotten everything he was made of”
Very poetic! I had to point this out ; )
“The only thing he hadn’t let go of... was his pipes.”
Hmm, ‘were his pipes.’ Not entirely sure about this one.
“The beautiful glistening silver pipes.”
‘beautiful, glistening, silver pipes.’
“Jasper’s hand would be in his tucked away with them”
“Patience Remembrance Whisper was stalking”
…I think I just forgot what I was about to say. Something. Oh, did you mean to say ‘stalking’ instead of ‘walking?’ *reads down* oh, ‘stalking’ as in walking angrily. Never mind then.
“Indeed, it was this wail that let Patience to meet Prince William for the second time.”
Should be ‘this wail that led…’ Oh, and she is the “sorceress.” *does noodle dance*
"I-Um, I apologize, I thought I heard...a..cow..."
“…beating his fists against the dirt as if he were an angry child, "I don't want to be a frog anymore!" He cried, wailing and howling as he beat at the ground…”
Lol again. But this should be ‘…as if he were an angry child. “I don’t want to be a frog anymore!” he cried…” so the punctuation is a bit off.
The prince squealed with joy, leaping to his feet and wrapping the girl in a hug. "Thank you! Thank you, you beautiful, loving, kind, lady!" William exclaimed, spinning Patience around a bit.
“She swallow, looking away from the prince”
Should be ‘she swallowed.’
It was, after all the least she could do after leading him to spend three years of his life as a frog.
"Cynthia" Patience said with a shrug, absently wondering how she was to sneak the prince into her house.
You went into italics here. And yes, lol.
So, great work here. Keep it up and update soon! *does bambi eyes*
| Imperfecione chapter 2 . 12/28/2007
It's great. I love this chapter. Enthusiasm has a hard time showing through print, but I really like this story! Just waiting to find out the purpose ofthe pipe-man, Jasper. Great story. (:
| Frosthold chapter 1 . 12/14/2007
LOL! Very, very great retelling of classic fairy-tales. I want to read more. PLEASE! ] Aside from a few grammatical errors (okay, quite a lot of grammatical errors) this was perfect! And if you were to write more I would try to make all the stories intertwine kinda.
“Beans...” The girl murmured out.
Should be ‘The girl murmured out loud.’
“…began to bury the beans, patting the dirt down firmly around the few beans.”
‘Beans’ is a bit redundant through here. Try “…began to bury them, patting the dirt down firmly around the few beans…” or something of that manner.
“She told the now buried beans in the sternest voice she could muster.”
Now ‘buried’ is being redundant. Maybe change it to ‘planted’ (and get a good thesaurus). Lol, btw, about the end of this sentence. )
“…there was a pond. (along with a few buried beans).”
Take out the period there. 'there was a pond (along with a few buried beans).'
“Her eye’s were a stony gray…”
“…the King sent his Brother”
“The king’s brother, whom we now know to be Howard,”
LOL! I have no idea why this made me crack up… but lol anyways.
“During this festival, it is unknown exactly what takes place, because no one has ever been able to get close enough to see.”
P (more cracking up)
“Jasper went unnoticed amidst all the chaos, and of course, he decided wanted something…”
he decided he wanted something.
“It was the perfect remarkable instrument, for the perfect remarkable man.”
OMG he is the pied piper! Yay! (I wonder if he is called pies because people threw pies at him…)
Anywhoodles, Love this, write more!
| Imperfecione chapter 1 . 12/10/2007
Please don't let this be a short story! I love it. What happens next? Enchanting style. Beautiful plot. *sigh* Occasionally a few small grammer problems, a word skipped, but only two or three times(beginning of pipes). Beautiful.