I really love the story its great!

Ah cute. I think you should have shown more normalcy of her life in the beginning of the story. it was a little abrupt and harsh and weird in the beginning chapters where things were unexplained or I don't know... it just seemed weird, but I think the story really picked up once Marina and Tristan settled into their personalities for the rest of the story. I'm not really sure how to describe it but I guess I would say the first part needs a bit more development and meat and character.

Ah but yeah I like this story line and plot. It was pretty much the right amount of action. Honestly that'd be a kind of annoying trait to have lol, especially if you've already found your mate, but I suppose that it'll benefit their daughters more int eh future, like in the sequel right? Speaking of which, I want to read the sequel. Will sounds hot. :) And can they only have one child after she becomes a vampire or something? For some reason it sounded that way and it sounded like it was a miracle that they could have two.

Also I think maybe a bit more description of what exactly Marina was going through in those 12 hours of torture when she was being changed would have been nice. Like what was going on, what was she thinking about? And playing up Tristan's pain in seeing her that way a bit more too.

The whole Ava thing was a little unclear and a bit random. I think the outcome and its significance could have been explained better too.

Anyway I like this story. I'll see you over at the sequel, and good luck on getting your new story published!

- Alyssa

Great!

A smelt is a fish, not a verb tense. Within the first section you have it italicized. Smelled would be more appropriate. Thought you ought to know :) Otherwise, well done.

Ha awesome

truly awesome

I like tristan's agressive tendancies and how you didn't make them all broody and whiny about being killers. It gets annoying

anyway truly awesome

that is all

yay! yay! yay!

This is one of the best i've ever read... it will always be.

I will try. lol. I love this story though! You did a great job. Everyone would love it!

Oh my goodness I love your story! Thanks for writing it. Okay bye.

Wow. Amazing story, I finished it in one seating. Good thing I discovered it before it's gone. Nice job! :)

But but but [ I won't be able to read it again

Awesome!

actually, the whole story is still available...

Loved it! Can't wait for the sequel :)

I know this is sort of odd, but is there any relation between Ava, Marina's sister, and the Ava in Break the Line?

Like I know the story is done and all, but I just wanna give some insight. Look Marina is a BITCH and doesn't deserve Tristan. Like she's always slapping him, while Tristan wouldn't thing of laying a hand on her. And ya Tristan fucked up, but how many times did she fuck up? One too many. But nevertheless Tristan, and the whole frickin coven are there to peice her back together. Like saying "I hate you" to Tristian...wtf bitch.

Tristian doesn't deserve that...he deserves me :D