Yay! Background info on your vamp history. And internal turmoil. We're making progress. I feel like in this chapter you did not solely rely on dialogue to move along the story.

The condition where ppl can't go into the sun actually has a name. i know there's "somethint-something light eruption" but that's not the name I'm thinking of. Anyway, yeah, random input.

also, the Love and sunlight burns scene makes me think of the episode of True Love where Bill goes out into daylight to save her from the serial killer. (which so didn't happen in the books).

Other than that, I have nothing useful to contribute.

Hm, a little naughty in the second chapter aren't we?

Hi! I'm Kandice and I will be judging your story for the Judge's Pick Category for the FPSSA. First of all I would love to congratulate on your nomination! Go you!

So, let's get this started. I don't promise to review every chapter but I will leave comments here and then.

Let's get this started. I do love beginnings that jump right into the middle of things. It was a little confussing as usual, but I understood it. The thing that did confuse me was her reaction to this all. She seems too calm and collected. I mean, I would have been screaming my bloody head off for like an hour before anyone could even say hello to me (but that's just me) and here she is holding a conversation. Secondly, she should be weak from blood loss and probably a little delusional. But when she wakes up, she's far too aware and articulate. I know I'm a nitpicker, but that just stuck out at me.

The dialogue is okay, it's nothing fantastic, but it's believable. I also notice that you tend to reply heavily on dialogue. It would be nice to get a little description about the room, her captor, herself, and maybe her "world" if it different than ours.

Very nice! I like they way you finished the chapter!

RETURN SOON!

This story was awesome! Tristan and marina are so unbelievably cute together!

Congrats!

I justed got finished reading this and if you ask me...this is the best vampire story I've like read! GO GIRL WITH YOUR WRITING SKILLS

awesome!

lloved this story :D

soo reading the sequel

e this is so freak amzing,

gr i hate u because i was reading this story yesterday night and couldnt sleep until 230 am damn and couldnt wake up in the morning for school cuz to tired ahah

Awh they make a good couple

ahaha no matter how many times I read or watch movies when vampires sucking blood makes me sick

but I live vampire romance lol get what I mean ?

I do love the first chapter

I have read vamiper stories before and this is kinda differnt and I know for sure I will love this.

Ur stories are amazn :)

good story. I don't know if i would call it original because it seemed a little twilight-like at times but i thought it was good. Sometimes i got a little confused (Kitty turning into Ludivine. Say what?) but i caught on. Kept me reading until the very end. Keep writing! i really hope the sequel gets finished soon.