|Reviews for Plain Sight|
| under the influence chapter 1 . 4/22/2008
Okay, so I'm confused as to who Sean and Kurt are...are you trying to tell two different stories? Ah...if so, you might want to put in more of a scene switch, like a 'meanwhile,' or 'in a bar across town'...
by the way, Pete is a jackass...I hope Sara gets the opportunity to do all that stuff she wanted to...wow, I'm mean...
very intriguing opening...I hope you're planning to update.
| Imalefty chapter 1 . 12/22/2007
review game! :)
wow, maybe it's just me, but that last section really confused me... i wasn't sure who kurt and sean were... at least in relation to sara. you'll probably elaborate more on that, right...?
the sara part was good - you captured her thoughts and feelings well (though i agree with dexterity that you may want to put a bit more description in there) but the second part was just... a bit confusing to me though i'm not sure why. maybe you need more clarity.
| Dexterity chapter 1 . 12/22/2007
Nice story. I caught an eye of this in the Review Game, but since I've already participated there a couple of times for the current chapter of my story, it would make it difficult for regular Review Game players if I reviewed from there again, haha. So here is a personal review after reading this chapter.
I like the pace so far. The chapter was quick and fluid, not too long and flowery. I love the dialogue. It really fits with each character. I can almost imagine Sara and her pleading glances, her very dumb boyfriend who's all smug and everything as he explained how he is SO right ALL ALONG, and poor Kurt being extremely drunk. I can't wait to hear more!
I honestly do not have many suggestions for this, but perhaps a bit more descriptions about the surroundings? I think I have a good idea of where Sara was, but for Kurt...well, it must be a bar of some sort. However, a bit more descriptions might make the writing have more impact. Just one or two sentences would probably do.
That's all! If you have some time in your hands, please check out my story "Beyond the Horizon". I would really appreciate some feedback for my writing.
Thanks for the nice story. Until next time.