|Reviews for Echoes from the Past|
| Equilibrium chapter 9 . 2/25/2008
This was a brilliant bit of character development! The way you portray your characters' reactions, like how they celebrated after escaping and how Gardener lashed out due to his own insecurities, is really realistic. Your protagonists are such believable characters. Well done! I'll be looking forward to your next update!
| Vioras chapter 8 . 2/3/2008
Well as I said before I like your story very much so but I can't help but feel your rushing it a bit too much. You should take your time and draw the reader into the story rather than jumping into something new every chapter. For example, you could have had a chapter or two dedicated to the building up relationship between Echo and Mikki. You also could have had some chapters that showed how things worked out between Auster, Red, Gardener, and the rest of them. As you go through the story it seems to get more rushed, for example the revealance of there powers. Finding out about them all out once kind of takes out how special each child is. Instead, you should have the powers be revealed steadily when needed, and for example you could have lets say the youngest child reveal his power at the end when he's really frustrated and thinking he wasn't special in the first place.
These are just a few tips, other than that keep on writing, and don't forget to slow down your pace a bit.
| FreakierThanThou chapter 8 . 2/2/2008
“Come on, crazy uncle,” Great line, there. Red's a really cool character, I like him a lot.
I'm still having trouble keeping all of your characters and their abilities and families straight, but it's still really cool. Maybe I'll make a chart.
Alyx is the healer, right, that's why she went to help Marco after he got punched a bunch of times? Yeah, definitly time for a chart.
Anyway, I realy enjoy this story. The plot is really interesting and the characcters are likeable and realistic.
| Equilibrium chapter 8 . 1/31/2008
This chapter was so cool! I love how Echo doesn't tell them directly what their abilities are, and how he tests them and has them prove what they can do. By the way, my favourite of the abilities mentioned would be the transforming one.
HURRY AND UPDATE OR I'LL GO INTO DEPRESSION!
| Vioras chapter 7 . 1/27/2008
First off I'd like to apologize for this dreadfully late review, I've been quite busy. Anyways not much to say, same mistakes as last but that's alright. I'm more focused on your plot which fascinates me much. Each kid being special in there own special way, I love it. All I can really think about at the moment to say is, PLEASE KEEP WRITING AND GET THIS DONE!
Anyways that's all that is on my mind at the moment. Good job and keep going with it. Don't stop writing this story and finish it, then worry about editing and such later when it is finished.
| FreakierThanThou chapter 7 . 1/23/2008
Drop her? Can Fable fly or something? I can't wait. I love Auster's ability, and his little prediction about echo. "A deceiver who doesn't know he's deceiving." What could that possibly mean?
So let me try to figure out who's who. You have a lot of characters, it's complicated.
Gardener has a sixth sense, he has two sibling, Kayleigh-Anne, whose gift is unknown, and... someone. Red has three siblings, Auster (reads people) Alyx (healer) and Ash (ability unknown) There's Echo and Mikki, obviously, and then Kismet's two siblings Marco and Reese.
Never mind, I checked the last chapter. Reese is Gardener's brother, Fable is Kismet's sister. Got it.
Really can't wait until the next chapter, Echo Determining their gifts is getting really interesting.
| FreakierThanThou chapter 6 . 1/23/2008
"The small boy next to her was the same, but a younger boy version, and also not as hostile." This took quite a while to make any sense, can you think of a way to rephrase this?
"If I built a house where I was being all creepy and holding a bunch of kids hostage, I would make a crazy magical house." I love Echo, he's amazing. That was a really great line.
I like how Gardener took charge, it's interesting to see it from Mikki's point of view. Also, sorry I kept calling him The Gardener in the last review, I waited so long between chapters I totally forgot about him. :)
Anyway, it's neat how the older kids were taking care of the younger ones, and I can't wait to see how Mikki's idea works out. She sure learned to think differently, never being a part of the outside world.
| FreakierThanThou chapter 4 . 1/23/2008
Do you know how to add rulers, those little lines in between sections of text? You export a chapter, and in the editing frame, click on the button on the toolbar that looks like a little line. Your readers will get it if you use that instead of "New Point of View."
Aww, poor Kismet. I can understand why she'd be so terrified of leaving, if she's been there so long. Even though I just said in my last review that I wasn't so fond of her, I'm sad that she's staying behind.
“If we leave this place, we’re going to lose something. I have no idea what it is, but…I just know that I’m right." Foreshadow much? Great line, sent chills down my spine. Figuritively.
Anyway, I like this chapter, too; I like them all. Can't wait for Echo and Mikki to meet up with Red and the gang.
Just a small suggestion, which you might cover in later chapters, I don't know: I think that you should tell us the characters' ages pretty soon. Or at least approximate, just to give us an idea of how old these kids are.
But it's wonderful anyway.
| FreakierThanThou chapter 3 . 1/23/2008
Once again, awesomeness. I love the Gardener, and Red is turning out to be even cooler than I thought he would be originally. Not so fond of Kismet right now, but she's a good character, and somebody has to doubt, right?
Anyway, at the very end, it was a little strange with the dialogue. I understand the Red was answering his thoughts, not the Gardener, but it seemed silly "What do you think?" "Yes, yes I do." Maybe you could have the Gardener ask Red if he believed he could reach the freedom that had avoided him for so many years.
An Echo told him, hmm? Nice touch there, I'm thouroughly intrigued.
| FreakierThanThou chapter 2 . 1/23/2008
Ha! Betcha thought I wouldn't be back. No, I'm still reading, I'm just a little far behind because of school and stuff, so it's taking me a while. Anyway:
"You’re mastering your gift at a really young age. This is very uncommon.”
“What about you? You’re just as young as I am, aren’t you?”
You need a paragraph space between those two.
I didn't notice any other grammatical errors, and this was a really good chapter. I like how Mikki and Echo seem to have become friends so quickly, they're really sweet. I wonder how old Mikki is...
Padrone is creepy, why is everybody so scared of him? Yikes.
Anyway, I really liked Mikki and Echo's discussion of her gifts, and this was a good chapter, and there's really not much else for me to say except I liked it very much and I'm about to go read the next chapter.
| FreakierThanThou chapter 1 . 1/19/2008
Oh! I was planning to read this for a review-return (which took me so long I doubt you even remember what story you reviewed) but then I got hooked. It's a really interesting concept, I want to know why they're stuck in this place, and who Echo is and a lot of other stuff.
I like Red a lot, and Gardener. Echo and Mikki seem pretty cool, but both a little bit naive. For some reason I find Red a lot easier to connect with.
Some lines that I loved: I’m the half-crazed blind uncle that spews useless advice.” “That’s some name. Mind if I call you something, oh…not awful?” “Why on Earth would I brain myself with a pillow?”
It seems a little like your story is kinda rushed. Particularly the part with Mikki and Echo, it just sort of jumps in without much intro and things start happening immediately. It's okay, for the style of story you have, but not really great.
Speaking of style, yours is really great. I like the way your characters talk, and how it seems like they all know each other so well, even though, in Mikki and Echo's cases, they don't. I also like how, while some of them (Red) are more responsible and seem to have grown up too fast (of course, I could be entirely wrong about his age) they all still act like a bunch of kids. That's great.
| Midori Heiwa chapter 6 . 1/11/2008
wow this story is very good i hope to see a new chapter soon
| Equilibrium chapter 6 . 1/11/2008
Smart Mikki! I really appreciate level-headed, intelligent heroines like her, as opposed to bimbotic girls who just stand around helplessly and look pretty. .
Ash reminds me of my nephew, who's now 6 years old. Haha...
Very good chapter! Loved the concept of the reversal of up and down on the stairs. How the group interacts and works is also really realistic. Plus, i admire your inspiration. How do you write so fast?
| Equilibrium chapter 5 . 1/9/2008
Aw. Why so short? I want more! Hurry and update!
This chapter had a nice feel to it. Passing the same door multiple times is creepy. And the 'pest problems' bit of dialogue was too cute. I'd comment more, but i can't find anything wrong.
| Equilibrium chapter 4 . 1/8/2008
Two chapters at one go! I'm in heaven (even though there's not much action so far). Keep on writing!