|Reviews for The fourletter lie|
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 2/7/2008
It has some nice phrasing and an interesting idea, but I think it could use some polishing. First, I can't really tell if the first line is the title or the beginning of the poem; if the title then why the colon, and if it's the start of the piece, then it might be more clear if you removed either the italics or the bolding, which together seem like too mcuh.
In the fifth line, I think you meant "breath" rather than "breathe", and in the next line, I don't quite understand "know off by heart". Maybe by was supposed to be "my"?
I don't really like ending a poem with ellipsis, as it seems to somehow make the poem incomplete. That could just be me.
Sorry if I was too critical, because overall I think it was pretty good. Doesn't every promise have the potential to break? That part adds a positive sense of confusion, I think.