Reviews for james nathan, i have something to say
Nicki BluIs chapter 7 . 8/16/2008
Pro: I also love the the library line. It breaks the monotony of the rest.

Con: I just used monotony to describe the story! that's never good. But this is just getting ridiculously drawn out, what with gracie repeating herself (yes, we know heart broken, went to basketball game, and... what?) I get she's rambling, but rambling people talk faster than this or the people they're rambling to tune them out. Or you oculd have put more than one section into one chap... you kno since theyre so short...
Nicki BluIs chapter 6 . 8/16/2008
Con: You know it's kinda hard to leave a decent review when a) the chaps only a sentence long and b) you review yourself in the a/n

Con: don't use ur story to respond to reviews. Send them a personal mesage instead. What happens is i spend more time reading ur convo with u readers then reading the actual story. not good. You dont wanna do anything to detract focus from ur story.

Nicki BluIs
Nicki BluIs chapter 5 . 8/16/2008
Con: parantheses aren't necessary here at all.

Con numero dos: Lack of detail make main character sound like a clingy leech. (wow that sounded harsh) It's like the "I can't live without you" speech except that it's the "I don't know who I am without you" speech which is infinitely more pathetic :(

Nicki BluIs
Nicki BluIs chapter 4 . 8/16/2008
Pro: Using roman numerals is classy and unique.

Con: a/n is longer than chap. not cool

Nicki BluIs
Nicki BluIs chapter 3 . 8/16/2008
O! I like how you intergrated a sneak peek of future events without spoiling it. In English classes the made us call that "forshadowing." But I don't have to take Eng. anymore so i'll call it a sneak peek!

I also like that you used "herculean" in a sentence! It's not a common word so using it right takes talent. Yay you!

Bad thing: you're author's notes are starting to take over dude...

Nicki BluIs
Nicki BluIs chapter 2 . 8/16/2008
I like this. The whole setting the record stright scenario is fun and realistic. I also like that though you said this chap serves as a break, it also does some character development.
Nicki BluIs chapter 1 . 8/16/2008
So far I find Chase the most interesting simply because of his elephant. I think that was a really interesting way to introduce a character.

I also like the chapter titles. (I looked at the drop down menu) I don't know how they relate to the story yet but the seem really interesting.

This review was brought to you by McDonald's! Wait, sorry. I mean the REVIEW MARATHON! (link in my profile)

Nicki BluIs
vrivasfl chapter 10 . 8/15/2008
Has anyone ever told you that you have a pension for pouring drinks on characters during sporting events? If not, I'll tell you. Poor, poor. characters. Just Joe and now this. (Well, technically this was first, but I digress)

You know I love this story. I always manage to find the humor in this and it's kind of hard not to find a guy covered in soda at least a little bit humorous. That was the best part of the chapter. (Right now, that's the best part of the story, but that's a personal preference.)

Great job as always.
vrivasfl chapter 9 . 8/14/2008
Again, I'm incorporating the review for two chapter into one since I found nothing truly noteworthy in the previous chapter. I don't believe it was supposed to be noteworthy. It was just supposed to state a fact so it would be understood for the rest of the story.

You know what this story seems like. It seems like you drew a timeline on your wall and began to write things that happened within a week. That way, you know what happens to everyone and when. Then, you start writing as narrated by Gracie and she starts explaining things, but not in chronological order and surely not impartial.

I am so totally confused and I love it. Gracie is telling the readers the part of the story she wants to tell. In a way, by not telling the readers what's going on, she's telling more abut herself than anything.
vrivasfl chapter 7 . 8/8/2008
I read the sixth chapter, but I'm going to add the review for that with this one since it was just a transition for the ramblings about the basketball game. Man! It's this damn basketball game! What the Hell happened at this basketball game? Gracie's really beating around the bush here. Kind of a "you know what you did, so I don't even have to say it" kind of thing. It's weird, but it's interesting at the same time.

Alright, so the story is supposed to pick up after this. (That's not to say the previous chapters were bad. I enjoyed them). Hopefully we'll get to see it from a different perspective. Gracie's a little to vindictive to give us a clear picture of the situation.
vrivasfl chapter 5 . 8/8/2008
I really have to stop reading the author's note. I think you're a great writer, but I absolutely hated the author's note here. It was just you telling us how you didn't really like this chapter. If you didn't like it, you shouldn't have put it up.

That being said, I actually liked it. Gracie gives us a bit of a back story to the relationship between her and James. If things start picking up in chapter seven like you say it will, I can't wait to get them.

Ciao for now!
vrivasfl chapter 4 . 8/4/2008
Well, it seems as if the chapter isn't a s horrid as I expected it to be. On the contrary, I'm interested. It sets up the next chapter very well. I can tell that whatever happened before the game must have really pissed Gracie off. One can only imagine what she could have done in retaliation.

I only wish I could've known what she did to him. Maybe I'll find out later. I guess the more important part is what he did to her to deserve the horrid treatment I can only imagine at this point must be very painful. Maybe physically. Maybe emotionally. I'll find out soon enough.
vrivasfl chapter 3 . 8/3/2008
It's so hard to read something of your and stop. When I read this, I have to read it straight through, and that's a compliment. I can't seem to bring myself to step away for a few seconds, even for a good cause. I had coffee that got cold becuase I was writing this review and forgot I had it there. Whoops.

Chase Wright is Chase Wright. Whenever I hear that name I'm reminded of an old friend I had named Chase. He's a classic textbook weirdo. His mind was always jumping to the next greatest idea, but enough about me. I always seem to do this in my reviews.

I'll try to focus on the story during the next review and prepare myself for that sentence long chapter which I still think is a bad idea, but I have to see it before I can give my final judgment on it.
vrivasfl chapter 2 . 8/2/2008
Of course that's what happened. But being a regular high school like everywhere, the students feel the need to embellish some facts for better story telling. Paramedics dragging someone away makes for a much better story, so I can see why someone would make that up.

Gracie feels the need to clear up the facts. Kinda funny the way she explained it. I wonder if it'll be brought up again. I guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out.

I've been dreading the "sentence chapter" since I read that and I see now that one is coming up soon. Well, maybe a sentence is all you need to convey what she wants. Well, I'll see it when I see it.
vrivasfl chapter 1 . 7/29/2008
Would you take a look at island hopping amongst all of your stories. Unlike Indonesia, island hopping here isn't confusing in the least. I always know where I am becuase all your stories have a specific writing style that help identify them. James Nathan and That Same Mistake are NOT the same story. You write them so differently that it's impossible to confuse them

You're not just a one-trick pony. You vary your writing in tune with your character and it makes the characters more interesting that way. This was a really short chapter and if what you say in your author's note is true, I should be expecting even shorter chapter in the future.

But that's all a part of your style, and it works for this story. This story takes it time. Not even the protagonist has been named yet. It's good stuff.
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