|Reviews for james nathan, i have something to say|
| ByYourSide chapter 3 . 7/28/2008
I have to say I love the style that this is set up in. Short chapters, the second person POV, the little snippets of life. I find it extremely original, like everything else I've read that you've written.
I really do love the length. It's bite-sized. A little slice of the story at a time. It's experimental and, in my opinion, pretty darn awesome.
The narrator is entertaining too. Very simplistic, very to-the-point. Wonderfully interesting read. :D
| CandleQueen chapter 5 . 7/24/2008
Haha, I can tell this is your first story! XD
And it's a cute one at that. :) I really love Gracie's voice, but the sentence chapters will simply be the death of me. :/ lol, I can't believe that you put your responses at the end of each chapter. XD I've never seen anybody do that before! But I'm really enjoying this story, anyway. It's refreshing, somehow. I think it's 'cause your characters seem so natural.
| AMM3485 chapter 1 . 7/23/2008
I love this stroy and how it is directed at her old boyfriend in her pov. I am going to comment on this again but I just wanted to let you know that it really does rock so far and I can't wait until I get into the rest.
| PhantomBialystock chapter 19 . 7/17/2008
Oh, I liked this! :D
Your writing style is excellent. You add just the right ammount of adjectives and keep the story interesting. I'm not one for romance, but I enjoyed this nonetheless. Especially those first few sentences:
"You’re okay now, I think. The bruise around your eye is fading, changing colors as it does, and your face is not nearly as puffy as it used to be. You’ve stopped using a crutch. That, however, is just physically."
It's sorta sweet, yet sorta not, and I like that combo.
While reading this, I thought that maybe this sentence could be made a bit more interesting:
"I’m waiting for the day you decide to just stop coming to calculus, the day you make good on your promise, the day you take control of your future like I never could."
I think if you wrote it something like this, it might be more appealing:
"I'm waiting for the day you decide to just stop coming to calculus. The day you make good on your promise. The day you take control of your future like I never could."
Instead of commas, put periods. I think it would sound better.
Besides that, I enjoyed this a lot and it was hard to find anything of substance to critique. Keep up the great writing! :D
| ByYourSide chapter 2 . 7/15/2008
Wow, these chapters are incredibly short. But they're bite-sized and fun to read (and that means I'll probably come back and review more of them when I have a little extra time. *grin*).
Haha, I can so relate to the way things get blown entirely out of proportion at schools. This one girl at my school disappeared for a couple of weeks, and everyone said she tried to kill herself-when really she just fell down the stairs and got into a coma. Or something.
But I digress.
I know you said this is experimental writing, but I really like it. It'll be uber interesting to see how it fits in with the rest of the story. :D
I also like the way the characters are beginning to flesh out, take form, even in the short span we've seen them. Good job, there.
| ByYourSide chapter 1 . 7/14/2008
Pretty attention-getting first chapter. I like the second person POV-is that right? I hope that's right-because I haven't seen it done very often, and especially not done in a way that flows. Here is just fits right in with the story.
I'm glad he decided to stick around in the end. 3
The style of this overall is also very interesting. The dashes, the occasional colon in front of dialog. That stood out in such a short piece. I like it, of course. Not often is writing itself very original.
This one. Definitely. Is.
| DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 6/21/2008
this is an interesting story...kinda like a journal no? i like journals ] they're fun to read!
the only thing that i really noticed wrong was that when you put wuotes, the first word should always be capitalized, so you might wanna go back and fix that
but other than that, this seems like it could turn out to be prtty neat!
| Haruku chapter 20 . 5/21/2008
I was going to say this was really good-in a cute, original cliche sort of way-but the ending...just was totally out of the blue.
Okay, not TOTALLY out of the blue, but it took me by surprise. I was expecting a little more about you know-WHY she's mad at him? I'm sorry, I'm a dense person. Maybe you hinted it or even said it somewhere, but I didn't notice.
I like Gracie's voice. She's her own distinct voice, and that makes her cool. Chase is pretty amusing too. I wish you could've thrown in James too b/c he did seem pretty interesting. (I mean, he'd have to be pretty SOMETHING to have fallen in love with gracie AND wait for her apology after her best friend beats the crap out of him).
It was cool, but I wish there were more.
| Sexy Vampirechick chapter 1 . 5/19/2008
To tell you the truth,I didn't get the first sentence;what it was for. Um...also you had to capitalize the first letter of the sentence even when they're in quotation marks.
It's also not very good(necessary) to start your sentence with "and".
Eg."And I stared at him, and then I said, “you really shouldn’t be drawing on the desk anyway,” and looked at the door, and there you were."
| Heart Devoted chapter 20 . 4/29/2008
and the paramedic story comes back! i kinda wish gracie and chase had ended up together, to admit. *blushes* lol
really good ending. really great.
i think that throughout the piece you definately brought in the element of change, almost a theme. just a suggestion to bring that out. like i say, "make people think" make the readers think about the story in perspective of their own lives, like my 'lonely pain' made you think. see? change. its a good theme.
good story. no, AMAZING story. totally my fave. C
| Heart Devoted chapter 19 . 4/29/2008
i still don't like how you describe the physical attributes. i think you should do it more from her perspective, just an opinon. remember that she's saying "I have something to say about you" and do you really feel her character would start off like that?
if so, don't change it at all. that's her from your opinion. i'm just saying, i think you could phrase the first two paragraphs in a more sensible, connecting way.
But anyway, really good after that. I still wish I knew... but I guess that's the brilliance of the story, huh? still! SYMBOLISM lol. u could use it to imply to us what your thought is of what he did to her. cheat? leave? i dont know! ah! *fangirl takes over and demented pained looked crosses face*
| Heart Devoted chapter 18 . 4/29/2008
"“I don’t care, you’re in jail, bitch”." FUCKING AMAZING!
aww that is a bit sad, but not too much. he didnt want to tryout in the first place.
aww so cute about them and the curly fries -
| Heart Devoted chapter 17 . 4/29/2008
yea, this chapter is a bit unncessary. how would she know? y would he need to be told of something she didn't experiance? idk, the son thing was cute but still...
| Heart Devoted chapter 16 . 4/29/2008
| Heart Devoted chapter 15 . 4/29/2008
hahahahaha i love the nisson family. "we'll wait for the tow truck."
okay, critique at last; "Of course, you already know about these injuries" that mention that 'he alrady knew' was kind of unnecessary i think. maybe you could focus more on how gross it looked, if u plan on changing it at all however... idk.
HAHAHA AGAIN! "i felt like a bitch" well considering what she did! hahahaha she totally is a bitch! i just hope its justified? what the fuck has this guy done wrong?