|Reviews for james nathan, i have something to say|
| Heart Devoted chapter 14 . 4/29/2008
nice. no one can hurt the Gods. capitol G _
| Heart Devoted chapter 13 . 4/29/2008
"The hallways were dark and our footsteps echoed off the walls." love the imagery there. u should include more of it
| Heart Devoted chapter 12 . 4/29/2008
HAHAHHAHAHA "what the fuck?" "thank god this random guy understood me." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i would be laughing out loud if my dad werent sleeping so nearby...
i REALLY like this chapter. I am DYING to know why she loves him and wont kiss him back. AH! no! *pushes fangirl back*
anyways...yea... IM NOT CRAZY *eye twitches*
i just really like your story. like for serious, this is amazing.
my only critical point would be symbolism? mayb u included it, idk, but it would make it pretty damn coolER cause, uk, its already cool. beyond cool.
| Heart Devoted chapter 11 . 4/29/2008
I think the last sentance should be its own paragraph and definately phrased differently no offence. the "which" just sounds like the wrong word to me, /
Ah! FANGIRL BACK! ROMANCE AND DRAMA AND OMG I LOVE IT
| Heart Devoted chapter 7 . 4/29/2008
lmao. "maybe the library was open." omg that beginning was amazing.
i am confused about the himchase being friends thing. i hope to understand! *hopeful glimmer in eyes of eager face*
hmm, i should probably still be critiquing... that seems to happen to me when I get into a story. i stop looking at it like a judge and more a fangirl. lol.
um... less short chapters! though i suppose that fits the last chapter more..
hm... well, there was that really long sentance with a parenthesis in the middle that distracted from the first point of the sentance. if you ever find yourself having to look back to the beginning of an interupption to remember what you were saying first, the interuption was too long or badly placed. you know it then. everything should flow...
| Heart Devoted chapter 5 . 4/29/2008
I think the parenthesis should go at the second-to-last paragraph end. just a suggestion...
wow! 'nights in my backyard' when were these nights? how long has it been? omg i NEED TO KNOW! AH *fan girl starts to go crazy without information*
anyways, i really like the mutant cow thing. so cute.
| Heart Devoted chapter 4 . 4/29/2008
okay, now im being evil and hoping my dad doesnt catch me _ haha
nice chapter. truly great _ but i really hope you start getting into detail soon about the story, and this "you" character because i'm confused. i hope for longer explanatory chapters! *glares meaningfully*
| Heart Devoted chapter 3 . 4/29/2008
okay.. something funky just happened with my last review and I really hope it doesn't happen again! as i said the last time, though now i can't really remember, you can reply to reviews in messages, um... gracie hart is ironically the name of the girl in miss congeniality and i dont know if thats just a coicncedence, and oh yeah i love your writing style. its the sentance structure i was talking about. but no big.
good story so far! sadly, i have ot go to bed, or i'd keep reading. i'm DYING to see what the crying and violence is about! ahh!
| Heart Devoted chapter 2 . 4/29/2008
first of all, at the end, the review repsonse. umm...
| Heart Devoted chapter 1 . 4/29/2008
WONDERFUL beginning. I'm intrigiued! i like your wrintg style for the most part, but it seems very factual. I did this. He did that. Try a little spice _ lol. but i have no problem with it really, so dont worry.
I love the elephant thing. so random! it makes it seem so realistic! very good. and the calculas class skipping thing? i can totally relate. i would never skip, but i would imagine doing it for a cute guy. )
| GrannyP chapter 20 . 4/27/2008
Definitely a different kind of read for me. The brevity threw me off at first. It was just like reading a long email or something, split up into different sections. Anyway, I liked how the focus was just on this ONE incident and not a whole slew of things (like I tend to do with my long-winded garbage). I mean, we don't know EXACTLY what james nathan did to break Gracie's heart (we get the general idea, but not necessarily specifics), but that's not even the important part here, so it doesn't matter that we don't have those specifics. Overall, I would say, very nice job.
| GrannyP chapter 1 . 4/27/2008
This is what Writ recommended to me, so I am checking it out now. Interesting format you have here, with the 1st person talking to the 2nd person. I don't know that I have read anything like that before.
| bitter-reflection chapter 20 . 3/31/2008
Loved this story. I kind of wanted to cry for Chase when he couldn't play basketball anymore. He was my favorite character. What was the secret of the titlt and chapter titles?
| silentsound chapter 20 . 3/28/2008
This was really good. i like your style, its original and to the point. Easy to read, poetic. Its really nice, good job. I'd really like to see what you can do with longer stories, because i feel like your bluntness would be refreashing. Thanks.
| missboo13 chapter 20 . 3/9/2008
I decided not to review each and every chapter, because I would have been sitting here forever spewing thoughts that I'm fairly sure you don't want to here. But. I loved this story. It was just so amazing, and I thought the end was perfect.
I think maybe there's only one thing to fix in this entire story. I think the story would have been a bit better if you didn't have author's notes at the end of every chapter. I mean, I understand why, but I think those one-word chapters (which were AMAZING, by the way) would have been that much better without the author's notes at the end.
Really, this is one of the best stories I've read on Fictionpress ever. Seriously. It was really good.