|Reviews for The Last Summer|
| Poisonous Panacea chapter 3 . 1/31/2008
*starts to cry*
...must...*sniffl*...continue...*snif*...reading...*BAWLS LIKE A WIDDLE BABY*
*ahem*...tis very well written. I like Tilly's experience. You get that sense of 'oh shit, this is freaky' and you realize that's how she feels. I really liked it...but I for one hope I don't have to go through it!
| Harmonic Discord chapter 1 . 1/29/2008
That's quite the cliffhanger ending, there. Thank goodness there's more.
Ahem. To proceed with the review...
Although I don't usually read stories in this genre, this story seems quite well-written, a little crass in places, but I think it works for effect. You have a really good beginning, introspective writing, and well-drawn characters.
I also liked the reference to hobbits. Yes, I am a Lord of the Rings fan.
A few grammar and punctuation issues:
“This cake will help you to loose weight” - lose
I was just hoping it would all turn out alright in the end without actually doing anything for myself. - all right
“Impressive, girl’s scouts reject,” - Girl Scouts
Dad liked to be under the illusion that he wasn’t spoiling me when I was already as spoiled as month old milk.“(F)ine.”
I leapt into the car.(I)t smelt of an old man’s smoking jacket wrapped around a wet dog and the radio was roaring an incomprehensible rock track.
Now, on to find which of your poor characters is going to be killed off...
| Poisonous Panacea chapter 2 . 1/29/2008
...*stares at the computer screen in horror and fascination*
...oh...that's my job...next chapter, then.
| Poisonous Panacea chapter 1 . 1/29/2008
i really REALLY liked this story. description is wonderful, the characters are great. i laughed, i cried, (.?) i drank vitamin water in large quantities!
i can't wait to read more!
| Reversed Polarity chapter 2 . 1/28/2008
Don't tell me you're going to kill Tilly. I love that slut. She's so perfectly sarcastic, ambivalent, and doesn't give a damn about what people think. Well, I guess you called this chapter "The End" for a reason. Shoot.
Okay, I guess I'm starting to sympathize with Owen now. I'm seeing the morose side of him, which is always good. I love seeing people depressed. I'm sadistic like that.
I'd like to see Jake's personality developed beyond the skirt-chasing whoremonger. I mean, he sounds really dark and all that. Whatever, I guess. Just do what you do best concerning writing.
| Reversed Polarity chapter 1 . 1/28/2008
Sweet beginning. I immediately sympathized with all the characters (except maybe goody-goody Owen), and I like their ambivalence about life in general. Their conversations were fluid and reflected their rapport with each other. I especially appreciated how you established every characters' personality immediately.
I also think the pacing was good. You already established the pastoral nature of Chislet. It's a boring ass town, so you made the action more domestic in nature. I liked this approach a lot, even though some have said it's a little slow. I think it was appropriate for Chislet.
I'm not from Great Britain (I'm assuming that's where you're from), so I don't understand all the nuances of punctuation and such. However, there are some slight punctuation errors in this chapter that I think are common to both English and American standards. Nothing too big, though.
I really like your style and your personality in this story. It's not your typical summer romance story with all the dark humor involved. Keep it up!
| Arichos chapter 1 . 1/28/2008
So far so good. i like. Descrpitive in detail, intracate characters and setting. You have a good way of driving through introductions and descriptions to continue with the story and now i'm dragged in. So onto the next chapter!
| Whityarith chapter 5 . 1/27/2008
Good work. Loved it.
-Arith and Flare
| ImaginaryGirlChild chapter 5 . 1/24/2008
Hate to say it but, you're going to have to edit the last bit of this chapter. My goodness, it makes it very hard to read.
| Imalefty chapter 4 . 1/19/2008
review game! (i hope this is right)
aww, poor owen. jake's kind of pissing me off right now, so i'm not going to comment on him. XD
owen is STILL my favorite character so far... i like the scene with his parents - he's going to oxford and he'll be able to socialize with... "decent"... people. XD that was good - it's a nice underlying conflict.
as for grammar and such...
"it felt a bit perverted just entering someone's house announced" - i think it should be unannounced, unless... you were going for something else.
"three meals untouchedand" - typo.
maybe it's the english way of writing "Mr" and "Mrs" but i thought there were usually periods after both.
"you don't look like death warmed up any more either" - should be a period after either.
"one of my best friend" - should be friends
"dialling" - i think it only has one "l," but i could be wrong.
you've taken this story in a weird direction - we're still in tilly's head, but we're watching the lives of the others. i wonder how you're going to keep this moving... :)
i liked the whole "what tilly would have wanted" section... it was interesting, considering that we never really know what it's like to die.
you use really nice imagery... like the plant shoot thing and the maggots. they're kind of unusual ways of describing movements/emotions.
good job (as usual).
| chewyy the moofin chapter 4 . 1/19/2008
Though it seemed a bit... sketchy at the beginning, I like how it's not clean cut and perfect like some other stories on this site. The character development is nicely done, and it reminds me of the book 'I Am the Messenger' by Markus Zusak.
I think that the presence of Tilly should be worked on though, not sure if they will be able to see her as a 'spirit', but if you intend on doing that, then you could do something like foreshadowing, where they think they see her, etc.
All in all, well done!
D Update so0o0o0o0n.
| Kumquat21 chapter 1 . 1/15/2008
I really like this. Going on my faves. Brilliant.
| TwinDeath chapter 2 . 1/14/2008
alright, well... it's good. it's great. and I don't like angst at all, so that's a pretty big compliment. i'm not one for long R&R's, so let's get this over with. everything that your characters do or say is belivable, and all of the places feel 'real'. even the minor side bits, like with Tilly's parents, feel like there is some history there. everything is well rounded and clever, but it's just not my deal, sorry...
Live forever, or die trying!
(If you wnted to enter the contest on my page, i'll R&R your next 5 posts... or tell others about the oppertuinity)
| Imalefty chapter 3 . 1/12/2008
i had NO IDEA you were going to kill tilly. :( what are you going to do NOW, i wonder... is it going to be about her watching the lives of others? (like the soap opera metaphor... loved it!) how are jake an owen going to handle it? is she going to figure out how she died?
"moody, arsty foreign language film..." - i think it should be "artsy" unless arsty is a word... XD
your descriptions are, again, wonderful. you've put the right amount of fluff/flower into them while keeping them real and not over-done.
i also like your dialogue (both inner and outer) - it's not forced or cheesy, especially now when you're dealing with a death.
okay, i guess you should know this... i looked at the chapter, thought "i'll come back to this later" and read the first sentence. then, i wound up reading the whole chapter JUST to know what happened... it was like everything pushed me to keep reading to find out more. because of that, the hefty paragraphs didn't bother me all that much. so... great job with that. :)
and... i guess that's just about it. i really wonder how you're going to write this now that your main character is dead... XD i'm sure you'll find a solution to that, though, and you'll make it a nice read. keep writing!
| Narc chapter 1 . 1/7/2008
I like the beginning. Her description of her own indecisiveness says a lot about your main character and the sort of person she is. The problem is the fact that she's not so particularly exciting or interesting at that point, and you spent a bulk of this chapter showing this ... so the chapter drags on rather slowly. There's just too much time spent on mundane things like how they feel about the fact that they're smoking. You are doing an outstanding job of showing us your characters, but I wish the story was moving along as well here.
You have a wonderful, original, voice for your main character. Everything that she describes really does sound like something she's thinking about, rather than just a gratuitous description for the sake of the reader.
Great line: "Chislet Illuminated was, as always, illuminated."
Typo, I think: '... all the statistics I found for you about -drunk- driving'
I noticed some punctuation problems. Before and after dialogue you often miss punctuation. That's right when it's in the same sentence, like in "You read," asked Jake. But there should be a period after grinned in 'Dan grinned "Tell you what...' or '..and fluffed her hair."I wouldn't do that Tilly ...'
"Urrgh," I made a great show ... That should be a period after Urrgh because 'I made a great show' is a separate sentence.
"You ready," asked Jake seriously leading out of the window.
Not sure if seriously is modifying the asking or the leaning here, but either way there's a missing comma, either before or after seriously.
'Retorted Jake superciliously'
Yuck! Said-bookism AND an adverb I can't even pronounce. I would take out both. The fact that he's retorting is already obvious.
The biggest problem I saw was really the punctuation. There were a lot of places I saw where it was out of place or missing. I pointed out the ones I could find when I went back over to write the review. Other than that, it's great writing. Not reall my type of story, and it does move pretty slow in this chapter, but so far the writing makes up for that and I'll definitely continue reading.