|Reviews for The Nightmare Shift|
| YukiYudai chapter 2 . 10/5/2008
This story is pretty good. I liked the bit at the start with the phone that kept ringing and he ripped the cord out and it still rang and I love the ending.
| ravenurse chapter 2 . 3/20/2008
Just a question...your character says he's 13 and he has a job as a security guard-graveyard shift-in a museum, how's that possible? In the U.S. we have strict labor laws, and that could never happen here. Plus how does he go to school if he's working all night?
| Sveedish Chef chapter 7 . 1/10/2008
Borkbork, thanks for the review on my museum story, I thought I'd review yours now! Wow, what a romp! First of all, this is a very cleanly written piece, it is edited fantastically - the only thing I found that could be corrected was near the top of the first chapter - you wrote "I fastened my pace". I believe the word you meant to use there was "quickened"?
Excellent physical descriptions, all around! Especially of Joe and the main ghost hunter guy. And of the museum itself, I had an easy time pituring it in my head. Lots of things in the first chapter to pique my interest, the phone and the footsteps were really creepy... And the final fight with the girl before he dies is exciting. I really liked how he died, actually. That was unexpected! I was, however, pretty surprised at the lack of reflection/contemplation on his part after he died. I also feel bad for Joe! As far as I can tell he's not a bad person, and your guy nearly scares him to death! Same with the ghost hunters and the priest - Mary and your guy seem to derive great satisfation over torturing them all. Is this a lesson about how great power encourages corruption?
I really like the part, though, when you sneak up on the man and the woman in the Wax World, I think, and say 'Get out', and then you write something like 'useless questions that are only asked when you are scared like 'did you hear that?'. That was very witty, and oh so true.
Oh, and about the priest - it was good to read that at least SOMEONE was having a negative effect on Mary and your guy. The fact that they arn't all powerfuland impervious to everything makes their characters more believable. I really admire the priest for trying to continue, even as he's bothered.
The addition of the Demon was very exciting, but what's he doing there? Is there any reason he's at the museu,, of all places, adn does he have a goal besides just killing? Maybe that will be resolved in the sequel! Very exciting and fun story!