|Reviews for Weary Knight|
| BattyBigSister chapter 2 . 5/2/2008
I still really love this story. It seems very well thought ou and intreguing and mixed with so much poinant human emotion. It's still a little confusing, but I don't doubt a few more chapters will sort that out no problem. ;-)
| Napoleonic chapter 2 . 4/18/2008
I was almost going to write how the first installment would have worked simply as a short story, without continuation. Good thing I realized there was another chapter. Contrary to others' opinions, I think I would be disappointed if Goat turned out to be the Princess of the old man's stories. Don't get me wrong, I don't think she deserves the life she leads now (or perhaps she does, this only you know), but I think it would be too predictable if it turned out that way. I envision her discovering a different kind of self, obviously as a result of adventuring, but... Well, I think you catch my drift.
As for chapter two, I have an idea where this is leading, and you are a rather excellent guide. Looking forward to more.
| GRAYTEXT chapter 2 . 4/8/2008
Beautifully written and very intriguing. Your characters are well developed, and your lexicon of adjectives is wonderfully expansive. I can't wait to read more.
| lymli chapter 2 . 3/29/2008
the last line from the first chapter is good I mean it brings more mistery to open the next chapter.
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
This is so beautiful. I don't read prose a lot, especially not fantasy, but your writing style is so elegant and it intriques me, so I keep reading. :) I just love the way you describe things. Everything is very vibrant and I feel like I'm there with them. :) Great work. Keep writing! :)
| Move Mercury chapter 1 . 3/22/2008
I am in love with this story. You set such a beautiful atmosphere. I especially love the way you weave words into descriptions that are both haunting and original.
I will admit that there were some points where I wanted less description and more story. This is a critique I submit with reservations because when I looked back over your story for a particular example, each description was so beautiful that I couldn't imagine cutting it. However it did become a bit much at times.
I loved the relationship between Goat and the old man - especially the theme of how stories create magic. Because that's what this story was - magic.
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 3/19/2008
As long as I'm waiting for another chapter from that other story, I might as well review this one.
1)"following a fit that left his lips as blanched and curdled as spoiled cheese." You are absolute magic with descriptions. I think that's one of your great strengths as a writer. Of course, with that compliment comes a small warning: don't stress too much over writing descriptions. If they come out this way naturally, that's well and good, but if you have to really labor over them to have them come out like this, then don't sweat it. Write naturally, and write a lot. The only big complaint I have for your writing is that there isn't too much of it (yes, I'm being hypocritical here,) so if descriptions are slowing you down, you can afford to concentrate on them a little bit less.
2)"(incomplete circles and open-ended lines)" I dunno if I've ever seen parentheses used quite this way before. It's like they're a whispered counterpart to the main sentence, not an extra bit of information tacked on.
3)"Wouldn’t the wind swallow them whole? And where did the sea end?" You could probably spin whole stories out of those questions, if you so chose.
4)"While Goat picked the scabs on her knees and collected knots in her hair" you walk a fine line between realism and sadness, here. It's good, I just don't want this story to build me up with emotion for its characters and then break it with a tragedy.
5)"sometimes she felt as if she lived between lives, jumping like a magician from the journeys of each story-hero to her own bland existence." if you wanted, you could use this as a frame-story and just tell smaller tales inside of it. Or you could be really audacious and send Goat on an adventure of her own. I realize that's not likely, but I'd dearly love to see that happen.
6)"skull-eyed and raw as a newborn bird." I can't pick out every phrase I like in this story, 'cause then my review would be just about as long as your story, but occasionally a line just arrests me. This was one of those cases.
7) This was just, well...fantastic. I don't want to gush about it, but I'm not entirely sure how to be objective. Thank you for writing it, and I dearly hope there's more.
| Captain Fluffles chapter 1 . 3/17/2008
Well the words flow together nicely, you obviously do what mos writers don't, CHECK their writing and you probably have a bigger vocabulary then me. Notably the style in which you wright in for this tale compliments the medieval setting. Very nice.
But good grammar is one thing and this story seems... watery, oh it's true, you set up the characters and I get a feel for what they're like but this just seems a bit blasé somehow. My attention span wains slightly. It definitely has potential to be an interesting tale but I fail to see where things are going and that can cause a distinct loss of interest. Then again it is just the first chapter, so you never expect too much but all the same.
Then again I'm more of a "less talking more action" type of person. So my attention is often more difficult to garner. So I wouldn't sweat too much about that.
| BattyBigSister chapter 1 . 3/12/2008
I like this. It's got a sad beauty to it. It's clear that little Scapegoat will end up as more than she seems now (my personal theory being that she really is the princess in the story), but I like the imagery; like those of fish and curdled cheese. My main problems, if I have any, are that this seems rather short, there’s barely enough to wet your appetite, and I was rather perplexed that the old man seems to drink ‘paints’. I wasn’t entirely sure if that was deliberate or an automatic WordPad correction. Please do update soon. I’ll be looking forward to it.