Reviews for Pockets
casi chapter 1 . 1/2/2008
hey...

i was just catching up on these... and i realize that i REALLY need to talk to you... when mom is off the phone im gunna try and call you.. fuck the homework its already late anyway... i NEED to talk to you...

i havent been completely honest with you... and i need to find some things out...

love you

casi

p.s. what i wrote on your birthday note thing... i meant every part of it
Julius Gillian chapter 1 . 12/31/2007
This had a sense of humor despite the bitter sadness you felt for this person not noticing you, your constant theme through the entire poem. Like when you mention you want to be as fat as that Buddha (not buda) I thought that was funny.

I like how you ended it with 'fucking pointless' like this rant was for nothing because she's not going to read this, or you just realized this whole 'fucking' poem is going to go unnoticed.

My only concern is that this poem needs a bit more brevity, more quality over quantity. Instead of repetitiously using a whole glob of words to describe this person ignoring you, you can condense it with adjectives or imagery to convey your message.

But I think this was done out of anger, and it's probably discharged now so no matter. ;)

keep writing.