|Reviews for Demesne|
| thx4allthefish chapter 8 . 2/4/2008
Just a couple quick notes:
1. The "Mint, Herb, and Grain" districts... Mint doesn't really fit in that well because it's an herb.
2. When you say that Dayne "sacrificed his freedom" you say "scarified"
| Dot Cubed chapter 7 . 2/2/2008
So I can't believe I haven't reviewed this chapter yet-I loved it. I especially liked everybody's reactions to Kale, like they were the right blend of suspicious and almost sarcastic in a way. Like taunting. Can't wait to see where that ends up.
I love Dayne, he's cool. And I'm glad you didn't name him Leaf because I think that's too plant related and doesn't really give Aster a contrast to her world. Now she knows she's really on the outside. That's gotta be overwhelming.
Haha, I love how they ride on lions! When Dayne said "it's on the lion" I was like what? That must be a typo because it was so unexpected! That's really cool though!
| Dot Cubed chapter 6 . 1/18/2008
Okay, so when Aster first met the Sand Shadows I thought they were going to be comic relief, like, oh, look at us, we found a body, let's have some unintentionally hilarious dialogue, tell Aster where the north is, and then keep picking up trash! But no. They're evil. Poor Aster!
Yeah, another awesome chapter. I love reading this! It really draws you into the story, and your description is awesome. It almost felt like I was actually in the desert.
It's good to see that Iris is such a huge role model for Aster. Hopefully Iris's not giving up will translate into Aster's not giving up when confronted with these (not funny! :( ) Sand Shadows.
| Dot Cubed chapter 5 . 1/18/2008
A cliffhanger! Well, that's evil. Then again, I do have another chapter to read after this one so maybe it's not as evil as I thought. I'm surprised that Kale was so easily able to break the globe, though. You'd think there'd be bunches more security around that thing.
Hickory is my favoritest person EVER. "Nice bird" hahaha I love him! I really hope that you're going to write about Kale's adventures in the Ghost District while Aster is around searching for the city, cause that would be awesome. I really want to know how Kale is accepted (or not accepted, because that is totally possible) into the community.
Poor Aster, though! Like I know she's tough and everything, but seriously, I'd be scared to just wander out into the desert like that. At least she has supplies! I'm really looking forward to seeing what the inhabitants of Kale's (alleged) town are like! You've created such an interesting plant world that I can't help but wonder if these new guys will be all plants or like half fish half plant or like blobs or something. They could be blobs.
| Dot Cubed chapter 4 . 1/18/2008
So I've decided that Kale's crazy. That's really the only word I can think of for his obvious insanity, because seriously, what is he thinking? Like he's got to have some sort of reasoning behind this, but because he hasn't explained it yet, I'm just going to call him crazy.
Oh, so that's why Iris is sick...the Petals poisoned them. You've got a really intriguing plot here with this part. Like, why exactly did the Petals do all those things? Are they just jerks? I mean, seriously.
So Aster's going along with the crazy plan, although her participation makes more sense. She wants a better life. I just feel like these guys really need to think things through, though.
| thx4allthefish chapter 5 . 1/14/2008
This is an awesome story so far. I wasn't expecting it from the summary, but it's really good.
I'm curious as to how Isis got poisoned, and why Aster can't fix it if she's so good with plants (I mean, plants, healing, you know)
The construction of the city is really interesting, but I have one complaint: if nothing can go in or out, how do they get food/raw materials?
Also, I doubt that the key to the "destruction of the city" a.k.a. the Moon Globe would be so loosely guarded...
| Dot Cubed chapter 3 . 1/13/2008
Aw, I feel bad for Aster. She just gets out of one trouble and is thrust straight into another one. Although now I do see why they were being chased after before-I'm assuming it's because she stole the bread in the first place.
I love all the dynamics in this-like between Aster and the Crows, and Aster and her sister. I really feel like the characters come to life, especially with the way you've written their different accents/dialects/the poor kids aren't very good at grammar. You can really picture the characters.
I do wonder why exactly is Iris so weak? And she's also very perceptive-she figured out Aster had used her magic really quickly.
| C. Elizabeth Nicholas chapter 4 . 1/9/2008
I love the depth to which you use botany terms. It adds such a richness to the story. The world is so vivid and absorbing.
And Aster is a great character. Just the right blend of toughness and vulnerability. I can't wait to see more of her and see what happens to her.
| Dot Cubed chapter 2 . 1/6/2008
Ooh, that was very intriguing! I love the world you've crafted; it's so different from anything I've read, and it's so focused on plants! That's not something you'd expect from any story.
What I really want to know is why the Thorns were chasing Aster and her friends in the first place. Do they just have a vendetta against everything or something?
I like Aster's magic powers, it's so unique. And useful! And I like how you've made using her magic powers actually affect her and drain her energy. In most stories, people use magic and then get up and do cartwheels or something. So this is realistic. Well, as realistic as it can be. :)
Aw, I like Hickory. He's cool.
| C. Elizabeth Nicholas chapter 3 . 1/3/2008
Oh, I feel so special! Thanks for the dedication!
I love the way you introduced Iris. You could already tell it was an important character, but nothing else was known. And ooh, a cliffhanger!
| Dot Cubed chapter 1 . 1/2/2008
Okay, so I'm kinda rushed for time right now but I've skimmed over the characters and glossary and I can already tell that you've obviously put a lot of thought into this and that I'm going to like it. I actually really can't wait to start reading, but I've got a physics test to study for right now (...which is totally why I'm on fictionpress! um...yeah...) so I will have to get back to it!
| C. Elizabeth Nicholas chapter 2 . 1/1/2008
This is a great story! You've built a very absorbing and unique world very deftly, and I can't wait to see more of it.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing Beatrice. I'm going to post on it weekly, so I hope you get a chance to come back and read more! Have a great day!