|Reviews for Chaos O Matic|
| ashemk chapter 2 . 1/5/2008
Ha! Funny - I’m enjoying it so far.
You said you wanted some advice? Well, everything’s pretty good except for every now and then your sentences seem a bit choppy, take this for example: “He is today supposed to meet a certain professor for a job. Along the way he saw highly visible ninjas in various shirts. Saying that they were. Indeed not ninjas. Of course. Eddy believe the shirts, thought they were not ninjas and proceeded toward the professor's building. Where he is supposed to meet the professor.”
You could rewrite like this: “Eddy was suppose to meet a certain professor for a job today. Along the way he saw some highly visible ninjas in various colored shirts. The words ’Not a ninja’ was printed on each shirt. Of course, having read the print, Eddy believe what the shirts had to say, and proceeded toward the professor's building.”
By doing this it flows better. Hope that helps, I’m not so good with critiques.