|Reviews for Anger Rice
| Artemisia IV chapter 1 . 8/9/2008
First off, I have to say that I absolutely love your style. The richness of your descriptions, ones that satisfy nearly every sense I might add, add a beautiful realism, despite the fact that much of what you are describing would normally be termed unpleasant or disgusting. I know you visited India, and I think that, for this story, it truly paid off; while reading, I felt like I was in India. Granted, I don't know much about Indian culture, but I could feel the truth in your story. Honestly, I don't think there are many writers out there that could have done better.
That being said, there are some mechanics issues that I think would make your story flow much, much more smoothly. First off, while your description is great, it is very thick and as such is a little hard to read, and I think something that would be good for you to look over would be transitions. The way the story is written, it seems very unclear when you are switching from present to flashbacks, from present to visions in Ila's mind, and from viewpoint to viewpoint. For example, when Ila is visiting her mother, you switch from Ila's standpoint to her mother's standpoint "Sujatha Venkatswamy watchers her daughter observe her..." with hardly any warning at all. Multiple viewpoints are great, but it's usually ill-advised to do them so rapidly during a single scene.
The only other thing I noticed that might help readability is to mix in some shorter sentences in with all your long ones. They're beautiful sentences, with colorful imagery that is beyond a lot of writers, but they're really really heavy. Most of them aren't run-ons per se (periodic sentences for the win!), but when you have really long sentences like that it's always best to pepper some shorter ones in for variety. Likewise, cut down on using commas a little; nearly all your sentences, short of dialogue, use a lot of commas and that disrupts the flow a little bit. Also, I noticed you used quite a bit of dashes as well, often in places where semicolons might have done just as well. Just mix it up a bit, and I think that would turn an already awesome story into something absolutely amazing.
I loved it, by the way. It was really hard for me to come up with something to critique!
| ColdCoffeeEyes25 chapter 1 . 1/8/2008
I love this.
Your prose captures the oppressiveness of the heat and the way it wears on Ila's nerves; it's like the heat is a metaphor for her mother's illness, another inescapable thing to endure and wait out. And the relationship between the sisters feels very real.
| J.K.Ellis chapter 1 . 1/7/2008
Bravo. This is a rare gem for fictionpress, absolutely captivating.